August 20, 2004


Last night I was tempted to pull. I even had that perfect hair picked out. I always tell myself that just one hair won't matter. I can stop at one hair. I couldn't stop at one hair ever before, but now I can. I delude myself with this thinking until I am this close to actually pulling. But now there are things I say to myself to stop. These are things I read on another website that really helped (I can't recall the website address right now).

1. I cannot stop at one hair. One hair will lead to another and another and another and soon all my hard-won progress will be lost again. I cannot even pull one hair. EVER.

2. I look better than I have in a long time and I don't want to ruin it. The feeling of having hair and being able to go out in the wind and roll my car windows down and walk around with wet hair without bald spots showing is one of the best feelings I can recall. I just don't want to lose this feeling.

The thing that is hard right now with this stage of my hair growing back in is looking in the mirror and seeing all those short hairs sticking out. I'm tempted to pull them because they're so short and so different looking. It would be so easy to to grab one and yank it. But I don't. I try to not look in the mirror for too long. I try to not let my hands go to my hair very often, if at all, except maybe to run my hand through it to feel how the hair is growing in.

But everyday I still feel haunted by the feeling that any day, this could stop and I'll be pulling again. It would only take on moment of weakness and everything could come crashing down again. I need to stay vigilant...not let myself get too tired or stressed...not let my mind wander too far. Concentrate on things that are good, and on good reasons not to pull. I try to spend more time talking myself OUT of pulling than talking myself into it.

More of my history tomorrow when I have more time.

Posted by Cody on August 20, 2004 8:28 PM


DATE: 9/12/2004 07:24:31 AM
Dear Cody,I think you are right to concentrate on your pull free life in progress and not dilute your efforts by trying to jump on a diet. You're right, no one is perfect. One thing, one day at a time for now.Wishing you good days!Hugs, Judy
TITLE: Another day
DATE: 8/20/2004 11:02:05 AM

Thank you so much for this. It really is helping me. I have had trich for 3 years now, and I am only 14. I lied to everyone and said that my little brother pulled my hair out and i made up everal excuses. I even lied to my doctor and he was convinced I had alpecia. I now have kind of stopped, but not really. My hair is growing in, but when I was pulling severly I ended up pulling out the whole top of my head. Now I have relaxers I put in my hair to blend in the texture. I can't wait until it grows back. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

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