September 13, 2004

eating instead of pulling

Hello to Judy and thank you for all your comments! I definitely appreciate your time in writing to me and sharing your experiences too. Keep writing as it makes my dad everytime. :-)

Been good here. No hairs pulled! Got close again the other day with that same spot on my head. YUCK! Haven't pulled eyelashes for two days. Sometimes I run my fingers through my hair and I can't believe how thick it feels. I can't believe it's grown back at all, much less this fast. I honestly don't know what to do with my hair now. It's been 13 years since I've had this much on my head! It's this tremendously free feeling...knowing that I can go to any hairdresser I want now and I won't be laughed out of the chair. Knowing I can drive with my windows down and let the wind blow my hair. Knowing I can get out of the shower and walk around with wet hair! These are huge, huge, HUGE accomplishments for me...some of these things I have not been able to do for 12 years. I just can't get over how good I feel about it.

But inside I could come back at anytime. It could all change in the blink of an eye. I have to stay on guard...always watching for the bad feelings to return.

It seems now, though, that instead of pulling I eat. This is bad. I had a bad weekend of eating due to these lawsuit threats to my father's business. I just couldn't stop stressing about it and was up late last night and Saturday night trying to put all my notes in writing to fax to the lawyer. What a mess this is. So I threw everything out the window and ate what I wanted. Again, not bingeing, just eating things I would never eat. Full-fat ice cream. Regular bread. Chocolate 2% milk! Yuck! Today I'm attempting to get back on track and so far, I'm doing alright. I find if I can stay on track for one day, and go to bed feeling good about myself, that feeling will carry me through the next day, and the next, and the next.

I did get on the scale and I've gained. Sheesh, what a shocker. Will weigh again in a couple of days after being on track.

Well, better run. Might be back again tonight to talk about some other stuff. Until next time! :-)

Posted by Cody on September 13, 2004 1:41 PM

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