October 10, 2004

Hey I'm Back!

Hey I'm Back!

Yeah, I lost everything on the computer. Everything. Damn you Worm Blaster virus. Damn you and your maker tooooooooo. I learned my lesson. Scan for viruses daily!!! And a word of warning: The worm was hiding in a Microsoft update...that's how it got me. Just be careful.

Well, I am still not pulling! For the past three days, I can't even remember even having any urges. I still think that maybe the torture is over. That maybe the trich has just left me...like the past 13 years are just a shadow that will gradually fade from my memory.

Today I "modeled" wedding dresses for a show at the mall, along with Sammy (who is and looked like a total doll- she had a great time). I had a great time too. Besides the fact that my dresses were Size 20. Okay, they were roomy, but still, a TWENTY? Holy crap. I don't want to be a size 20. :-( So, this is Day 3 On Program with Weight Watchers and this time I'm not stopping for anything. It's weird because the me I am inside DOES NOT feel like I am this big. I still feel athletic, strong, fabulous. But the mirror tells me otherwise. It was hard to change my dresses in front of the all the other skinny girls. I wonder what they thought of me. Did they think I was brave for "modeling" even though I'm so big? Or did they think "GAWD what is SHE doing here? How did SHE get asked to do this?". Yeah, the lady that owns the bridal store assured me that people "love to see the plus size girls". Yeah I'll bet. *sigh* I don't wanna be here. This is not me. This is some terrible nightmare. I don't really weigh 235 pounds. How is that possible when just 2.5 years ago I weighed 174? It can't be real. It just can't. *sigh* Denial aint just a river in Egypt, my friends.

I still did not get the results back for my thyroid test. Stupid doctor. I called twice and left two messages. I'm going to be switching doctors tomorrow. I'm thinking I either have a thyroid problem or that I have some kind of sugar-yeast allergy that makes me feel bloated and tired after eating too much sugar (which I do on a daily basis). So for the past three days I've cut waayyyyy back on the sugar and lo and behold...I feel better. One of my dresses today was even baggier than when I wore it on Thursday. Hmmmmm...makes me wonder...if I should give up sugar all together. *yipe*

Well, until next time. :-)

Posted by Cody on October 10, 2004 9:21 PM

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