April 4, 2005

Thank you

Thank you everyone for your positive posts on my last entry. I have had some time to think the past day or so and I realize now that the more sensitive I am to MY behavior...the WORSE it becomes. It's almost like the worry makes me act in ways I don't want to. I know, deep inside, that I am a good mom and that most days I do my very best (and sometimes more than my best...I do exhaust myself a lot of times). I just need to keep reminding myself that I am a good mom and that I can keep going on this way, and that things won't change because...of the worries that I have. The more positive I am with myself, the more positive my behavior is. Gee, who knew that beating yourself up is not the way to improvement? Wow. Notify the press.

On the hair pulling: I pulled about fifteen hairs yesterday but then I stopped because it just wasn't interesting enough. It really isn't anymore. My hair still looks great. I just need to keep positive with myself in this respect too, since the more positive I am, the less I feel the urge to pull. I have noticed some things though when it comes to my hair that help me to resist the urge to pull it out:
1. Keep my hair washed and styled. This means everyday! The dirtier and messier my hair is, the more easily I can pull and the less I care when I do pull.
2. Keep my hair dyed! The dark roots growing in bother me and also make the hair more interesting to me. Must color my hair TONIGHT! and keep it colored every four weeks, no matter what.
3. Don't sit around watching TV. I really just can't watch TV. I don't know what it is, but when I watch TV, I want to pull. I think it's because the TV totally makes me zone out. Not good. No more TV!

Things I can do instead of pulling or eating:
(THis will be a long on-going list)
1. Go to BED!
2. Take a shower.
3. Chat with my sister.
4. Play on the computer....especially Roller Coaster Tycoon.
5. Paint with watercolors.

Well, Sammy is doing great and I feel really happy today, mostly because of the time change and having it stay lighter longer. The weather is turning nice and Sammy and I go outside to play a lot. That makes such a difference! I just wish I had lost more weight...being this weight makes it hard for me to have the energy that I want and sometimes I just want to sit down and rest and I can't keep up with Sammy. I gained 2.4 pounds on Friday after losing 3 the week before. I was so upset by this, as I honestly felt I didn't deserve such a huge gain. But then I put it into perspective...it's TWO pounds. TWO. As long as I don't repeat this next week, that is a really minor blip on the scale. I know I can keep going. I can't let two little pounds make me want to quit.

That's all I've been thinking about today (Whew...suddenly I'm very tired).

OH and in case anyone is interested in a "Hot Guys List" that we made up while chatting the other night...here is how it goes...
1. Micheal W. Smith (two votes)
2. Kevin Costner (two votes: one in all CAPITAL LETTERS with an exclamation point!)
3. Russell Crowe (even though he is kinda short and has rumored ego problem he still got two votes).
4. Robert Redford (two votes).
5. Viggo Mortenson (like from Lord of the Rings. Only one vote. My sister thought he looked scary).
6. Anothony Field (Yes, like from the Wiggles. Sorry, but he's H-O-T. Only one vote.)

I think that's all that was on the list. We spent a lot of time on Costner and Smitty. ;-) It seems a major requirement for the list is that you have to be over 40 (preferably 45)! ;-)

All right, back to real life now.

Thanks again, especially to Judy, for all the positive remarks. It really means alot.
Until next time!

Posted by Cody on April 4, 2005 7:53 AM

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