September 8, 2005

Pulling some hair

I started pulling a few hairs the past week. So I DID make it two weeks pull free. I'm going to start again today. For some reason I've been having bad dreams almost every night and it leaves me feeling tired alot...and when I'm tired I don't feel like stopping myself from pulling. It's a total cop-out...I should have the strength now to find other coping mechanisms.

I've had bad dreams before but I've never had such a string of them. Some of them make sense and some are absolutely strange but leave me feeling drained nonetheless. Last night was my most disturbing dream yet. I've mentioned before how I used to have nightmares about "the tickle people" when I was about 4-6 years old. The tickle people would tickle me endlessly and I would be crying and pinned up to my bedroom wall. Then I would look and see my father watching from my bedroom door, not helping me, just watching. It was disturbing. Well last night I dreamt that the tickle people came again! And they tickled me so hard in the ribs that it hurt terribly and made me panic and it was so scary. I can still feel that pain and pressure in my ribs and the desperation to just get away! I was dreaming this within a dream. Then I woke up from my dream's dream, and someone, I don't know who, told me that the tickling was real, and not a dream. And that my father had done it. So I confronted him and told him that I KNEW that he did this. That I remembered him doing it, and that he couldn't deny it. He did deny it once, but then he acted proud of it and even tried to tickle me while I was confronting him. This time I panicked and I snapped. I told him that I would f-ing kill him if he ever touched me again, and that if he EVER tried to do that to Samme, I would f-ing torture him and then laugh while he died. It was horrible. Then I noticed that Sammie was in the room and my dad was watching her. Just watching her. So quietly. Like a predator. Then I woke up.

Some might say: Why all this fuss about tickling? Tickling is's a doesn't hurt anybody. Tickling to me is TORTURE. I HATE IT. I hate the though of being tickled. I don't want ANYONE to touch me, and ticklign me just causes me to panic and kick and scream. Even my husband knows not to try to tickle me because any game can turn ugly when it happens. I just wonder why. Am I just one of those people that hates being tickled? I know a lot of people don't like tickling. But does it cause them to panic? Or does the tickling stand for something else? Something uglier....

I just don't know. But my dream bothered me so much. I don't want to see my dad today. I'm filled to the brim with hatred for him today. I wish I never had to see him. Ever. I hate that I have to fake niceness around him. When all I ever want him to do is just go away. And stay away from me and my family.

I might never know why I feel this way, but I do know that it causes me anxiety which really needs an outlet. But what is a healthy outlet? There are only so many plates I can break (just ask my sister), and throwing clay balls is great. But sooner or later the desire to pull or overeat just consumes me. What do I do then? I think it might take me almost a lifetime to figure it out.

until next time.

Posted by Cody on September 8, 2005 8:26 AM


I COMPLETELY understand. I HATE being tickled. It is not fun, it is not funny, it doesn't feel good in ANY sense of the word, it is not a game. Tickling in TORTURE and it makes me want to scream. When my husband does it, he thinks he's being funny and I tell him "Don't do that!" and he just laughs as says "Why?" DUH! How many times DO i have to say that I hate it? AGH!
Your dream sounds SO scary. I would be freaked out too.
your sis
P.S. do you even HAVE any plates left? Or do I need to buy you new ones for Christmas?

It's not torture, it's something you aren't open to. I can totally understand hating it, I know many people who do. However, you would be blown away by how many people truly enjoy it. Not only is it a great stress relief but it's also a wonderful endorphin-release trigger. It just takes a willing mind and someone you trust to do the tickling. :-)

And trust me, I can understand hating the male parental unit...I'm sure our reasons are different, though.

Bare foot tickle torture is the best. Tickle her feet until she pees! Make her laugh her ass off! Don't stop. Foot tickling is much more effective than rib tickling. No one can take foot tickling! HAHAHA

I am 14 and I have been pulling since I was 9. I cannot stop it. I quit for about a month and then my parents got a divorce and I started pulling again. I cant help it sometimes. My mom says that it's because of "him". How does she know that? I know that it is a habit and I pray to God right now that my life will turn around. I want to do things so that I am not bored, or hang out with friends more... get myself involved in other things. I hate this.

Your dislike for tickling is understandable. That is because it is done without your consent or enjoyment. Your reaction is more psychological than physical. When lovers do it, it can and should be done in a loving manner. There is nothing more enjoyable than two loving people tickling each other.

Give it a try with your loved one with preset limits that both of you agree to follow. You may be pleasantly "tickled".

I know this entry is old by now, but I ran across it doing a search online trying to figure out if I was the only person horribly disturbed by tickling. I've always hated it and feel the exact same emotions that you have expressed about it. I was prompted to try to find out more about why it bothers me so much after my boyfriend tickled me to the point of tears of fear and panic. I just broke out crying and scared him and myself in doing so! Why does it affect us this way? Is it something more than just a playful show of affection? Who made it turn in to such an ugly thing? If you ever find out more, let me know.

Foot tickling is not an effective technique of torture. There is absolutely no truth whatsoever to the myth that tickling the soles of the bare feet was used as a medieval torture.

This has turned into a good thread about tickling. Who knew my post would show up if someone Googled "tickling". Hee hee. ;-)

I guess I wouldn't mind being pleasantly tickled by someone.

Someone HOT.

Like Kevin Costner.

Kevin, if you ever read this, please...come tickle me. I will enjoy.

Your Friend,
Cody :-)

Tickling ROCKS!!!

I used to have this same dream from about 8-12 yrs old. I still have a fear from tickiling. I know this sounds crazy to some but its as bad as torture to me. I have a son now and when my husband tickles him i lose it and always tell him to stop. Maybe its because my father used to tickle me by holding my arms back and not stopping till i cried. I understand he thought i was having fun but to me it was horrible enough to give me nightmares.

I completly understand!!!
friends pin me down all the time, they take advantage, i have friends im IL, and they tell me when there here, there gunna tickle torcher me. HELP!! y god, y would you invent such a dumb me with tickling tips please..!
or my AIM> xo1994babii thankies, haha revenge 4 them! =]]

What memories I have about being tickled. I was 11 or 12 years old and my dad would tickle my for such a long time. Nobody would be home, I would be watching tv, and he would come in go to work on my body. He wouldn't stop until I peed my pants. Even then he kept going. Everywhere on my body he touched me. I lasted maybe a half an hour or so, then he would carry me into the bathroom and take a shower with me. I was so exhausted, he had to wash me off. I also heard him tickle my mom at night when they were in bed. He just loves to tickle people. A few weeks ago I came over to their house, and I heard his niece screaming and laughing from him tickling her. She is about the same age I was, I just laughed and walked away.

Let me get this straight, Cody.

You hate your father not because of something he's done in real life, but because of a dream?

Immature and detached from reality much?

you haven't got a clue GIL on what my sister went through. She's being NICE and leaving out a million things that my dad did and said that were wrong, mean, and inappropriate. Back off.

You know you're Dad crossed boundaries, right? Tickling you when noone's around to the point where you're urinating in your pants is out of line. Taking a shower with his eleven year old daughter is pedophilia. The fact that he does this to his neice is concerning. Please address this issue right now. Please talk to your Mom or someone that you can trust, that will believe you and handle this appropriately. In fact, if he's been able to do this without your Mom "finding out", that probalby means she's in denial and you need to find someone more reliable.

hey, i like to be tickled but i can see where your coming from. when i was 11-15 i had theses weird ass dreames where these ppl would torcher me, i was waking up 3-4 times a night. i relived alot of stress by setting up a body bag and hit it. soon the dreams were not happening as much, then they stoped for good. if you want you can e-mail me at

i HATE being tickled. ive nevr liked it since childhood and from strange dreams ive had as well. there was one specifically when i was staying in beaufort, sc. i was about 8 or 9 then. in my dream i was lying on a big table under a light, like i was food or something and a tall dark figured was standing beside me. TALL. then he lifted up a long arm into the air then brought it down on my stomach and tickled me into my ribs. i wont forget it and THEN we have all 3 of my X's who never listened to me when i said, "Dont!! Leave me alone! I dont like being tickled" over and over. i hated being held down and powerless because thats when it got ugly with me. and STILL they wouldnt give up. its not funny at all, tickling.

I have had the SAME dream all my life.. Since I was about 6, and I still have them. I'm 14 now, and I can't stand tickling at all. It's not freakin' funny. >> And when i'm being tickled in the dream, it's always by someone REALLY messed up and scary.

I had a dream where my grade 5 teacher was holding a "baby" that was like wrapped up in cloth. She would turn to me and say "I have a little friend for you".. And then I would look into the cloth and see this horrifying twisted lizard, and it looked like it was made of melting wax.. It was so disturbing because it had the VOICE of a baby and everything. It messed me up. And then it tickled me..


I TOTALLY understand. i mean, it helps you out of a mad mood but it is just not funny. i don't see why people laph when they tickle you because it is not funny AT ALL! when people tickle me, i will scream and kick untill they stop. i could scream the house down if you tickle me long anoff!IT IS TORCHER! i was tickled for so long when i was 15 on the street by my friends and they did not stop for 2 HOURS. it was scary and i never talked to them until they said they were sorry. i totally agree with you. though, if you get tickled for long anoff and every day, then your not ticklish andy more! how wierd is that. well, that is what i was told.

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