June 11, 2007

Pulled a little today...stress is pretty high

Well, my DH is making nice today and last night INSTEAD of going to see a lawyer.

I've decided that the reason why he makes those statements is because he is mentally ill.

So, in order to protect myself, I am going to see an attorney on Friday to find out my rights and have them put into writing. The next time my DH makes a threat, I can pull the papers out of a drawer and say: "Well, actually, here are my rights. I've researched these pretty well. You can go ahead and pursue a divorce, but here is what you can expect to receive from me and from the courts....". Notice I did not say IF he makes those threats again. It's only a matter of time.

Today he made nice with me. But tonight, after the kids went to bed, I was out in the backyard watering my flowers. I had the baby monitor in my left hand as always because Jamie wakes up quite often and I always have to listen for him. DH sleeps in that bedroom too. So, I hear some bumbling around from DH who is getting up out of bed and messing with the TV, etc. I hear the bedroom door open and then the office door. Then I hear him messing with the baby monitor in the bedroom. Well, being like "What the heck?" I went inside. Here he was LOOKING for me. Why? No reason. He was WORRIED, said he. He said he thought I would be out in the office working on my homework. When I wasn't there, he got WORRIED. SO he locked the outside office door and the front door, leaving only the back door open. (?????) I don't understand how this would have helped me. I said: "sooooo, if I was outside...I would have been,,, nearly locked out?" Uhhhh...I think that made him ponder his actions. (Note to self: Carry house key, car key, and his truck key on key ring at all times.) I really felt I was being attacked, and maybe I reacted too strongly. I said: "I was out in the yard, picking up, watering my flowers, checking on things, etc." He says: "At 9:30 at night?!? What person does that at 9:30 at NIGHT?!?!" Ummm...how about a mommy who has her kiddies hanging on her allllll day. I said something gently to that effect, not wanting to play into his game. Then he says: "I would have tried calling you on your phone but I noticed you left it in the office." I said: "Did you think I would have the baby monitor on me?" He said: "No, I figured you would have left that too." Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... (?????!!!!!!). So I did a little demonstration for him. "Okay hunny, this is you." Walk over to baby monitor. Me: (pretending to be DH)"Hunny I need you. Please come to the bedroom." I walk back to the bedroom door, close it, open it back up, walk in and say: "Here I am hunny, what did you need?" End of demonstration. I don't think he appreciated it, but the whole thing was so ridiculous.

So now he is curled in the fetal position in Sammie's bed and so help me gawd if he makes her fall out of bed, I will friggin choke him to death.

As he was leaving the bedroom (I was lying with Jamie), I said: "You're so needy and co-dependent, you know that?" I guess I shouldn't have said that. Shame on me for throwing those big words around. I don't think he knows what they mean. He's probably still pondering them as we speak.

In short, I've decided this: I will not pursue the divorce on my end. But I'm going to get all my paperwork, finances, etc. in order to protect myself in the event he makes threats and pursues a divorce on his own. I will be well protected, I can tell you that. And I will tell you something else: My kids are staying with me. No more fear, no more listening to threats. I'm done. He's mentally ill and needs to get help before it's too late.

I'm also going to a marriage counselor as soon as the therapist returns the call to give me an appointment. I'm hoping that DH and I could go together, but not until I have a couple sessions on my own to get the details straight first. Because DH will come off as super smooth, such a good, nice guy. I want the therapist to have some details prior to that, because if the counselor reads these details and asks DH about them, he will go instantly on defensive and his true colors will shine through.

So, that's the plan. No more depressed, defeated, 8 year old girl out in the yard in the dark kind of attitude. I'm coming home once and for all.

Until next time.

Posted by Cody on June 11, 2007 6:41 PM


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