April 9, 2008

Eight days pull free

I'm ending my eigth day pull free. Feeling good. My hair hasn't changed much yet. In the bald/thin areas there is a lot of fuzz. But usually it takes a good 4-8 weeks to really feel a difference. I remember from the past that it's about five weeks into that I really start to feel like the wind can blow my hair around and I don't have to worry. I haven't had any close calls the past couple of days. I'm hoping I won't have to fight it much this time. It just seems to be happening at the right time.

Some things have changed with my dad's business that may keep me working at least through the summer. This is nice because I can get Sammie settled in kindergarten before starting my in-home day care. This also gives me enough time to finish my licensing and get my inspection, etc. etc. I'm secretly hoping that things will continue to go well with the business to where I won't HAVE to do the day care, but in my heart I know it would be the best thing for my Dad's business and me to go our separate ways. It's just...taking that last leap that is the hardest. However, I am preparing to do it, and when I'm ready, I will do it. Like diving into cold water on a hot day, at first you're scared, then you do it and your shocked and frozen, but then DAMN that water feels good. :-) I'll be ready.

My husband is finally out of the hospital but is really sick. He has finally decided to quit smoking. He's taking Chantix to help him stop. Not sure how that works...don't really care to know either. Just as long as he quits. Gives us one less thing to argue about. :-) He seems to be wanting to try harder the last few days. I gave in and vented all my frustrations to him and stood like a man and took it all without fighting back. This usually doesn't happen for us. Usually he gets angry and says something really mean and then retreats. This time he just let me say my piece. Not sure what this means for us. We'll see tomorrow I guess. One day at a time.

Today I took Sammie and Jamie on a nature walk. A butterfly landed on Sammie several times, and then ended up letting her carry it around. It was strange...and magical. Seeing Sammie's face...looking at that beautiful butterfly...it's made up for years of sadness that I might have had. It was the most beautiful thing I've seen since the day she was born. Miraculous. I see her growing up and being an animal person and I want to be there and know everything about her...but at the same time, I feel her finding herself and going her own way...and I'm so torn. I hope I never the connection I have with her.

Jamie is learning to talk and is even starting to string two words together to make simple sentences. Sammie didn't talk this well at his age. It's making me realize that even he, in his littleness, is becoming his own person, and how beautiful and scary that is to me at the same time. How is it that I can have such a connection with TWO little people? How on earth will I ever be able to know both of them? I feel that two years of Jamie's life have gone by with my focusing mostly on Sammie...because she is always needing, while Jamie is content to sit back and watch. Realizing this made me cry a little. But then I realized that when Sammie goes to school, it will be just me and Jamie, and then, we can develop that really special connection that can only be brought about by one-on-one time. It will be his turn.

Today was a really good day. My feet didn't hurt as much. I ate two fruits. I drank my water. I ate only two pieces of dark chocolate. I am down 7.6 pounds from last week. (Current weight is 257.6). I don't know if it's just the springtime, but I really feel like the future holds a lot more for me lately.

Until next time.

Posted by Cody on April 9, 2008 7:58 PM


I'm so glad youre feeling better today.
I have been praying the past few days for your big jerk. It just occurred to me like, on Sunday I think. Since then I have been praying that God would work in his heart and his mind in a really powerful way and change him to make him the kind of husband you need him to be. Looks like its already starting to work!!

I miss you guys!!

I Have been a hair puller for about 6 years and I stopped (hopefully for good this time) pulling on April 5th 2008. I wanted to wish you good luck, I am just so sick of this wierd habit I hope this is it!


Don't give up. We can do this together. Even if we mess up one day, one week, even one month, we can always start again.

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