May 16, 2008

I got triched again

This afternoon I fell asleep with Sammie and Jamie (they have both been sick and not sleeping well, so they needed a nap. It was great!). I dreamt that I pulled two hairs. I've been certain all day since that I really DID pull. It wasn't until I was in the shower tonight that I realized...I DIDN'T pull. I dreamt it. Man I hate trich. HATE IT.

I'm so glad to be almost seven weeks pull free. I love the way my hair feels. It's soft and growing and doesn't lay flat against my head in the bald spots. I can part my hair in either direction because the hairs up there are long enough to flex either way.

I've also stopped biting my nails all the way and I only bite them when they get too long, then I bite them back down to a more manageable length. No more stumpy fingers. I've been stump-free for a little over two months. Nice.

I am still not pull free on eyelashes though. I pulled two today. My eyelashes look really awful. I'm going to make it the rest of the night without pulling anymore. Tomorrow I will try again for pull free.

I've gained four pounds this week. I hate it. I looked in the mirror tonight before my shower and I got some kind of wake up call. There are dimples in my hips where the bones SHOULD be, but are starting to become covered by fat. My post-baby belly hangs down a bit now. I don't look good. My goal now is to stop gaining. That's all I want, just to stop gaining. Baby steps.

What I fed my face today:
Looking back,I just realized I never ate any breakfast. I was going to eat cereal...but then, I guess I forgot. So, no breakfast. But I did eat some of Sammie's leftover waffle.

Grilled BBQ chicken wrap from MCDonald's.
Happy meal fries.
Four chicken nuggets (maybe five, I'm not sure)
1/2 a small chocolate shake.
Three potato chips.
1/2 cup little teddy grahams.
1/2 cup goldfish crackers.
Four bite size Milky Ways (the little square ones....60 cals each).
Four chocolate chip cookies.
Two mozzarella sticks.
Two slices homemade pizza.
One fudge bar.

Yuck. I really want to stop eating so much.

I'm going downstairs to FIRM now...I think if I start that back up, I'll start feeling better, and fast. Leslie Sansone (Walk Away the Pounds) says that bodies are made to move. Having a body that is out of shape means that you will have pain in your body. She's right. I need to get back in shape. I can't get around like this anymore.

One of our kittens passed away today. A little boy. I can't quite seem to come to terms with it. I had no idea he was ill. I know he was the runt, and had trouble competing with the others for the four most used nipples, but I didn't think he would pass away. :-( He was sweet...he had a small black dot right next to his nose, and a very loud little voice. I guess the hardest thing to realize is that I'll never get to see him grow up. One other little boy seems frail tonight...I'm worried he won't make it. When I left he was nursing, so I'm hoping he'll be alright since there's less competition. I worry that if the momma hasn't gotten an infection, then the little boy might have been spared. I guess I like to blame myself.

Until next time.

Posted by Cody on May 16, 2008 7:19 PM


Yah so how helpful is blaming yourself, exactly?
OK so you just said you don't look good, but at the TOP of your post you said how you love how your hair feels. Can you TRY to focus on that a little bit? AND your nails are looking good! You've got TWO things going really right! Good for you!
And I'm so sorry about the kitty... this however is a natural law about things that happen to runts (did you never pay attention to Charlottes Web or to any specials on farm animals?). Last time I checked you were not in charge of the universe. So STOP feeling like you have to control everything. PLEASE let God be God. He runs things better than we do. Really.
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