May 13, 2008

I pulled three eyelashes today after one day pull free

I am still pull free on my scalp. I really want to be pull free on eyelashes. I hate that I gave in tonight. My DH and I got in an argument about finances and I felt worked up and angry with no outlet. So I gave in and pulled. :-(

Today I had to have an abcessed tooth pulled. I get so nervous at the dentist. My new dentist is extrement nice and calm and gets right down to business. No constant yapping, no flirting with the hygienist, etc. He's great. This tooth was hard to pull though. The dentist accidently hurt my jaw and side of my mouth trying to get the bastard out. Then it broke off, leaving one root up in there. SO they had to grind that down to get a grip of it and pull it out. I was pretty nervous and was clenching my hands, even though it didn't really hurt. I just felt lots of pressure and cracking. Weird. I just kept praying that Jesus would make that root come out! And it did. Eventually. :-) Today I keep tasting blood and didn't eat all midday or afternoon. By nighttime I was starving.

Here is what I ate today (prepare to be disgusted):

Fiber One bar
Cup of skim milk
Five chicken nuggets
Shredded chicken sandwich
5 mini cupcakes
3 mozzarella sticks
1 chocolate truffle
1 cup cocoa pebbles with 2/3 cup skim milk
five slices of bread dipped in peanut butter (not a lot of peanut butter...just enough to get a taste)

I call this my "fruit and vegetable boycott day"

And now you all know how I really eat! The one thing I am proud of is that I got the shredded chicken sandwich at the ice cream place instead of ice cream. And I got Sammie just a baby cone and that was it, no more. And I did drink a lot of water today. I think the Motrin/penicillin is making me very thirsty.

My little momma cat, Binka, had kittens almost two weeks ago. Since then she's become thin and listless. I took her to the vet today...she has a abcess on her tummy! Her temperature was 104.8 (102 or so is normal for cats). Terrible! The vet thinks one of the baby's claws got under Binka's skin and caused the abcess to flare. My poor baby. She is on antibiotics for 14 days. This could have killed her and I feel terrible about it. I should have never let her get pregnant. *GUILT GUILT GUILT* I am going to get her and all her five kittens spayed/neutered, no matter how much it costs. She had three boys and two girls. All black/brown with white like her. :-) So, at least this story will have a happy ending. I'm glad I listened to my instinct and insisted with the vet that she be seen.

My fat is annoying me tonight. I want to cut it off with a knife. I wanted to try those new "Slim Shots" that I saw on TV...CVS has them on sale for $29.99 but we can't afford that. So I didn't get them. I also didn't want to spend money on one more thing to fail at. I know, poor attitude, but I can't seem to get off my tushie and do better. Not right now.

I'll try harder tomorrow. Until next time!

Posted by Cody on May 13, 2008 9:11 PM


AGH!! GIVE UP THE GUILT! HOW does feeling guilty help you? How productive is that? You know what you ate? That is NORMAL you dingbat. Now STOP feeling guilty over everything. You want to model that for your kids and have Sammie thinking she has to feel guilty over everything she does or doesn't do? Stop. Really. It isn't necessary. So you pulled some. Its in the past now- you can't change it. So stop thinking about it and move on and try to do better tomorrow. And stop feeling guilty over the cat. YOu didn't know what was wrong. When you did know, you did something to help her. She's going to be FINE. You cannot control everything. You're not omniscient. You're not God. You do what you can, and move on. START LETTING GOD BE GOD. You just be Cody. You are good enough.

Everyone has off days, the important thing is to let it be one day! Jump right back up, you're allowed to be weak sometimes, you'd explode if you didn't. I don't know if you've checked out but it's FANTASTIC! it's like a free weightwatchers, and there's fabulous videos that they have on youtube which tend to be under 15 minutes for when I need a quick cardio or ab workout in between class or work.
Be strong! Reading your blog really does help me, I've gone sooo long without pulling out my eyelashes, I've actually stopped wearing the fake ones for about a week now.

Your diet is just like mine! Seeing your list of what you've eaten makes me realize why I can't lose any weight. I eat my kids' leftovers (althought I try to remind myself not to), I grab handfuls of this or that throughout the day, and even if I've had enough to eat while grazing, I'll eat a regular meal at mealtimes, too. So, stop feeling guilty, but keep trying to do better. What has helped me a lot is that I try to buy only healthy snacks (no chips in my house!) and I've found that my kids are just as happy with a bunch of grapes or strawberries as with a bowl of Goldfish. If those easy-to-eat foods like mini-cupcakes and Popsicles aren't in the house, it's darn hard for me to eat them! My 9-year-old daughter is an eyelash-puller, by the way, and I'm a knuckle-cracker, so we're with you on the struggle to quit pulling.

I am a 60 year old Caucasian male and have likely been compulsively pulling out my body hairs since age 19. At least for the last 15 years I have understood what the symptoms were as part of the tendency for OCD that runs in my family.

I discovered from observation (and my science training as a microbiologist) that my most intense tendencies to pull hair (and also bite my fingernails) are associated with eating foods rich in tryptophan such as hotdogs or turkey.

However, I also discovered that I could turn OFF the OCD trichotillomania behavior if I ate a teaspoon full of peanut butter. (This presumes I was able recognize my compulsive behavior enough to want to stop it.)

It takes about 15 to 30 minutes for the tryptophan rich foods to kick in the trichotillomania OCD, but only about 60 seconds for the peanut butter to extinguish the hair pulling.

This is only my anecdotal experience.

Thank you for being willing to compare your food related experiences.

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