Re-adjusting my priorities and re-focusing on my health
There has been a shift since the start of the year. I have come to realise just how much I am struggling in my life, just how harsh I am being with myself, and just how little I am living in the present. It's like a constant balancing act and it is not a good way to live.
I see now that I have become overconfident and fallen right into that "thinking I'm OK again" trap, pushing way too hard, lapsing with my diet a little bit here and there, thinking I can get away with it because I have felt so much more normal again...and all that eventually takes its toll. I am forever thinking about the things I ought to be doing, rather than enjoying the things that really matter, friends, family, people, quality time.
I am now feeling a lot more relaxed about everything, and even though I do have to make a living, work is not going to come at the price of my health. Also I am not going to SACRIFICE myself in giving to and helping others anymore. What kind of a message am I giving to others if I do this?
For me it will not be a case of opting out, but more of TRUELY getting the balance right, enjoying silence a lot more, enjoying MUSIC (I never took the time before- and it is so marvellous- brings me back to my centre and back to my heart), and watching less TV.
I am also thinking of doing a sponsored week of total retreat into silence and meditation with no computer, no TV, not phone, a little bit of music, and a very simple largely raw food diet. How exciting and scary will that be!
The saddest thing that I realised, is that I have become so swept away with projects, work, business...I had forgotten the reason it all developed in the first place...my interest, passion and following my heart...it's swept me back into the real world and I am not well enough for that yet really.
I do enjoy the challenge of running the stairlift and scooter businesses as well as working for the MSRC and building the odd webpage, and I am very determined to succeed (so far it's gone pretty well) by doing my best, but really, after having done that, it's not up to me is it. The universe decides ultimately on so many matters so there is no point in worrying or losing you head. I am learning to let it all go...there is no hurry, deadlines or pressure. It's me who is setting the hurdles so high. Even at the Gym I am not pushing so hard now just enjoying what I can manage to do, and some days that is quite a lot.
I'm also attemping to cut back on social engagements or demands a bit. I had started to view everything as an ordeal and I have now decided to, either say No, or go for it and LIVE IT FULLY, not go along with a plan but not really want to. It is hard though because I seem to attract so many people and yet part of me just wants to withdraw and only talk to family and keep life simple...for some time at least.
This year I am being a saint with my diet and have started a detox programme with herbal supplments from Renew Life. I am appreciating simple food so much more! In fact I am appreciated everything in life so much more and just seeing everything is a much simpler light with a heart filled with gratitude.
The Tsunami disaster makes us all realise just how precious everything is and how lucky we are to have a home, food, mod cons, nice things and friends and family.
I am already feeling some benefits from my detox supplements and diet. I am able to balance better, which makes life less of a struggle, and I am able to walk a little better. At the moment I am having a weeks break from supplements but next week will really get down to the nitty gritty and tackle candida and parasites with an even stricter anti-candida diet. I will be taking Paragone from Renew Life. I really am focused this year. I have put off doing these detoxes and diet for long enough. I really do feel I have nothing to lose by trying, because I can do this. I have the dsicipline and determination. Struggling and feeling rubbish has motivated me enough to do whatever it takes once again.
My philosophy at the moment is not to rush any decisions, and be more...rather than try to work out the best way forward. Hopefully this will I will intuitively do what feels and is right for me. It is easy to overanalysis sometimes, and especially easy to throw money away needlessly at therapies which may or may not do some good. My feeling at the moment is that I'd rather just spend time listening to music or being still.
The Universe has pointed me down this Path three times so it has to be worth exploring, and it is actually cheaper to get on and treat
myself rather than pay for tests to try to find out for definite what is going on- testing is not fool-proof anyway. If I improve I will get my answer this way anyway, won't I, and if not, well, I can rest easy in the knowledge that I have tried my best!
There are many people out there who all claim to have the answer to my ms but that doesn't make sense to me anymore. I think the best thing I can do start listening to my body again. I want to take the time to try to find all the answers to my health issues from within and it really does not matter how long it takes, I love my life! I feel so, so happy at times...I feel almost bad to feel so happy when others are suffering so much in other parts of the world...but I am just so grateful for all that I have and the life that I lead. It is a remarkable one!
Business is going well and I am free to work at my own pace which is great. Others are not so lucky. I feel confident that my health and mobility will improve, but even if it does not, I still want to take this challenging detox path, and rebalance my life through a much more peaceful and centred existance- just for my own peace of mind and happiness. I'll keep you posted as to how I get on!
Posted by Sylvie on February 1, 2005 8:26 AM