April 15, 2005

I hate my job!!

One of the things the rhuematologist as well as my regular doctor keeps trying to drill through my head is STRESS=PAIN with lupus. I am a type A personality and I thrive on responsibility, it makes me feel good to know that other people need me and rely on my expertise in my job and at home. Today has been a humiliating day for me at work since my supervisor has decided that my co-worker who is already doing everything in her power to make me look less than qualified is more capable of helping the new people and answering questions than I am! I am the only one here who took an 85 question test on the FDCPA and only missed one, I am the only one here with prior management experience and I am also the only one of my co-workers currently enrolled in college to increase my marketability. So I have reached a very important decision and that is to start seeking a job that will allow me to be me and afford me the opportunity to show what I am capable of. I would have thought after five years of service needing to take a medical leave of one and half months when it was supposed to be three months but I pushed to come back early would not have put me back this far at work but apparently you are only as good as the day before and the length of time here and the ability shown prior are irrelevant, so in order to preserve my sanity and my dignity I am going to have to change jobs. I do not want to do that however they are forcing my hand.

Some people are content being in one area their entire life and for their entire career, I am not like that. I need to be somewhere with the chance for advancement and this is not the place for me any longer.

Since this mornings episode-I am hurting mentally and physically. My joints are swelling in my hands and all of my physical symptoms are acting up. I know it is because of how emotionally upset I am over the treatment by my employer. I can not allow a job to bother me to this degree. I have other responsibilities and it would be wrong for me to allow this area to take over my life and cause me to wind up back in bed.

I am so hurt and angry that the five years I have been here have turned out to mean nothing-what a waste of my time!

One call to my doctor would get me back out on medical leave but I do not want to do that, I think I am just going to start looking for another job.

Any feedback from anyone especially fellow lupies who have had to deal with this would be wonderful.

Keep smiling-I know I am trying to.

Posted by Lisa on April 15, 2005 8:41 AM