May 21, 2005

Saturday and all is almost well

Hi all! Hope everyone is doing well.

I am going to get licensed to sell life insurance, I really need a career change and I think this could be the one.
Now if I could just get my husband to move me back to florida I think I would be on the road to recovery. I want to go back so bad. I am tired of living in this red neck ignorant area. The people around here literally are what is making me sick I think.

My coworker/friend/ex friend and I are DONE! She was definitely instrumental in me getting sicker as I could not deal with the stress of being in a toxic relationship with her. It has been so hard for me to not have her in my life since we have been friends for so long (32 years) but I had to finally realize that she is not my friend I have been her friend but it has not been the same. She is so angry at work because I have been slowly getting my job back and she acts like the fact that I have so much seniority on her and the fact that I got her the job are irrelevant. She just thinks only about herself and that is all she has ever done. But anyway, I know for sure I will be emotionally much healthier without her in my life so that is the most important thing to me right now.

I have also decided that I am going to quit smoking. I am so scared, because of the weight gain and the stress ( I do not want to set my self up for another flare) but at the same time, I know quitting will benefit me in the long run.

We just celebrated my fathers 60th birthday on wednesday. I can not believe my parents are getting so old, I remember being a child and thinking I would never grow up and get out of their house with all their rules and hypocrisy but now that I watch them get older I can not believe these are the same people who made my childhood a living nightmare. My mother is on oxygen and my father has to have veins removed from his leg next month. They are both sickly and slowly suffering. As my parents I do not want to watch this happen, as their victim for many years I am realizing the truth behind kamma or karma as some call it.

I have been doing an online course regarding the noble eightfold path (Buddhism) and it is helping me so much on my own personal path to enlightenment. I need to be more involved in the dhamma center in my area, that in itself will help me take the focus off of me and how I feel and place it where it should be-helping others.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own problems that they tend to become larger than what they were if we had not let them take over so much of our lives. I am so guilty of this on numerous occasions, now I am trying harder to focus on what is important and on what is permanent and what is impermanent.

Have a wonderful day everyone and NAMASTE.
(Namaste is the pali word for I honor the light in which you shine) I think it is a beautiful way to say goodbye to someone.

Posted by Lisa on May 21, 2005 12:37 PM