February 1, 2006
Starting Over Again.......
Yesterday I had to go to a new rhuemy. He seemed alright-a little arrogant but hey he was younger than me so he should be a little proud that he has done so well. His attitude was alright though-he was concerned, he was attentive to what I was saying and he believes that something needs to be done so I guess I can deal with a little arrogance..........
He asked me if I had ever heard of a condition that I can not even spell-let alone heard of before. I am going to spell it the way I think he said it-and if anyone reading this reconizes it-please leave me a comment and tell me I have spelled it wrong-thank you. It was called Lupideral Sclerosis?! Anyway he said it is lupus with MS!! He said he is going to look there first-very scary-but since my eyes were so messed up and since I have had so many epsiodes of numbness in my legs and arms as well as yesterday I had the malar rash (about time the damn thing shows up when someone who can help fix it is there) so he wants to rule that out before delving more into my immune system. I told him that my regular doctor did alot of tests and did a great job and I also told him she fired me. I told him why I think she fired me but that I was not sure. And he wants me to start Celebrex as soon as I get off this round of steroids-he said this dose of steroids is not going to fix me or even make me feel fixed but that it was a start. Friday I have to go have every drop of blood taken out (not literally) but it sure sounded that way. He wants an entire blood work up and I mean blood tests that I have never heard of even........damn........I told him I am starting to feel like a freak. I am so emotional lately again.
I am so guilty of not updating this unless I feel lousy-when I am feeling almost normal I do not update-this is wrong and I know it-I am going to work on not doing that this time. It is so hard to put into words what I am feeling right now. Anger, disappointment, and disbelief are close though. What do I do if it is lupus and ms? Who will take care of my husband and my kids if I can't?
Women spend their entire lives taking care of others-I think that is why immune disorders are more prevalent in women than in men-we are caretakers and sometimes we do not take very good care of ourselves in order to take better care of those around us. Or maybe it is the way we are set up-but there has to be a reason.
Most people (including me) are better when we have answers and now it is like he wants to start all over again. But it is a start so I can not complain and if I did who would care? LOL.
Anyway-will update more when I know more........................namaste:)
Posted by Lisa on February 1, 2006 2:00 AM
Comments
Lisa, you've hit it on the nail head with the statement about women always taking care of others instead of themselves! I believe the debilitating illnesses we contract etc force us to focus on self. My counselor told me once that I want to hide and my spirit, my light won't let me and probably has a lot to do with my major weight gain as if to say: "Here I am I really do matter and my personality is really larger than life" or something to that affect. I've noticed that people that run all the time and never slow down either break their leg or contract Pnemonia or something to force them to slow down. Anyways, I so feel for you Lisa. I would be willing to bet you were one of those rescuers and took care of simply everyone most of your life! Take care sweetie, and always I send healing energies your way! -ij
Posted by: ijellorca at February 1, 2006 11:38 AM