Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team
January 10, 2007
Inside the Cocoon of My Eating Disorder
This morning I got up and as usual, felt myself wrapped up in the eating disorder mindset. I weighed myself and quickly got caught up in the obsessive thoughts – what should I eat, what shouldn’t I eat, if I keep doing things this way I’ll weigh such and such by this day and then this much by that day and so on and so on. After a few minutes my obsessive calculations were rudely interrupted by a passing thought of the day ahead of me. Thoughts such as having to leave the house soon and go to work and having to see Donna later in the day started to take over. I started to feel very anxious.
And then……out of nowhere………I felt this sudden “snap” and I was quickly jerked right back inside the eating disorder and everything instantly felt better. I felt surrounded by this safe cocoon where nothing from the outside could get in – no feelings, no thoughts, no people. And it was all mine, no one could take this away from me. I felt so incredibly safe.
I have been aware for quite some time now about how the eating disorder helps me avoid what I don’t want to feel and helps me escape into a world where I have control, but I have never felt it in such a physical way before. When I realized I was being overcome by feelings I didn’t want to feel, I literally felt myself be pulled back inside the safety of my eating disorder cocoon and it felt so safe and so good.
Posted by Butterflyteam on January 10, 2007 03:38 PM
Hello Butterflyteam, i was wondering what is DID, i need to know. Thanks
Posted by: lguphoria at January 15, 2007 12:56 AM
