September 16, 2007
Anniversary feelings...PTSD remnants
It's been six years since my assaults, and I haven't been sleeping for past few weeks, other than an hour here or 2-3 hours there. Some days not at all. I feel depressed and moody. I guess it's realizing how shifted I am from who I used to be. Even though the weight's coming off, and I've moved on in many ways it's just a tragic time for me. I keep thinking it won't affect me anymore, but then within weeks of the event I get unexplained low feelings and sleep loss as well as jumpiness and hypersensitivity to everything. I'm a raw nerve. Then 9/11 anniversary happens a few weeks later so I just get the double whammy. I'm going to have to figure out a new paradigm to this time of the year... haven't been successful at this yet, but I know it's the only way to keep me from dropping in a hole every fall. I'm down more weight but too tired to go change the ticker or fitday just yet. I've been too exhausted to really think through typing and computer stuff. I do my classes and that's about it. More later I promise,just not sure when... maybe after I get real sleep.