February 12, 2006

You give me Fever.........

I went to bed last night at 8pm. I woke up at 10 drenched in sweat from breaking a fever......then woke up at 2:00 am the same way. Finally got up at 7 this morning and by 8 was already running a fever again. I am really tired of the stupid fevers. I go back to the rhuemy tommorow and who knows what he will say-probably nothing new or informative. I am so down about this flare because you start feeling normal and then boom you are down again.

They want to put me back on steroids again and I do not want to go on them but I think I will have to-the fevers are not going away on their own nor with the other meds. Steroids are so hard on your body and so good at the same time. I look like hell again and I know that I should just go back on the steroids and not argue about it, but it is so hard to not eat everything in sight when you are on them. This last time I did really good though-I did not overeat at all. Anytime when I wanted more food I just reminded myself that it was the steroids and not that I was hungry and I walked away from the food, but the longer you are on them the harder that is to do. I would love to hear from others who have been on them what they did to avoid the cravings that come from being on them.

As soon as we get our taxes I am going to be starting real estate school her. I am excited about that and can not wait!! I will get the chance to make really good money and basically set my own schedule so if I am feeling crummy I do not have to do a lot. At least that will allow me to work around the lupus for the most part.

I asked my husband yesterday what do we do if I have that lupoid sclerosis and he said he did not know. I am really scared that the rheumy is going to tell me that I have that instead of just lupus or instead of just MS. It seems like I get used to the idea (kinda) that I have lupus and now they are throwing something else in the mix.

With a chronic illness like lupus it is easy to feel sorry for yourself and I do it frequently but I am trying not to as much anymore but it is so hard not to. I want to have energy, I want to feel normal again (whatever that is) and I want to be able to stay up late and do the things I used to do. Yesterday I got a lot done around the house but it seems as if I am paying for it today as I have no energy, no ambition, and a fever again :(.

If I have the lupoid sclerosis, I am afraid that I will lose the ability to walk, and I will lose my eyesight at some point-that terrifies me. I should not worry about it until I know more but I can not help it.

I am sure I will update more tomorrow after the rhuemy visit..................namaste.

Posted by Lisa on February 12, 2006 7:14 AM