Sorry! It may be her "right" to refuse to have the last meeting with you guys, but I think it was her ethical responsibility to follow through and do what she said she would do. This isn't your fault--you can't heal faster, integrate (which is something you shouldn't even be pressured to do)or be something you arent. Consider that part of the reason she won't see you is personal to her--like maybe she can't handle it for some reason. Possibly even because she is taking it personally that she wasn't able to do more for you in therapy? It isn't fair! I hope you are able to find a therapist that you click with as well as you did Sharon!! Keep trying! There are lots of people who care--sending you prayers!

Sorry! It may be her "right" to refuse to have the last meeting with you guys, but I think it was her ethical responsibility to follow through and do what she said she would do. This isn't your fault--you can't heal faster, integrate (which is something you shouldn't even be pressured to do)or be something you arent. Consider that part of the reason she won't see you is personal to her--like maybe she can't handle it for some reason. Possibly even because she is taking it personally that she wasn't able to do more for you in therapy? It isn't fair! I hope you are able to find a therapist that you click with as well as you did Sharon!! Keep trying! There are lots of people who care--sending you prayers!

Sorry! It may be her "right" to refuse to have the last meeting with you guys, but I think it was her ethical responsibility to follow through and do what she said she would do. This isn't your fault--you can't heal faster, integrate (which is something you shouldn't even be pressured to do)or be something you arent. Consider that part of the reason she won't see you is personal to her--like maybe she can't handle it for some reason. Possibly even because she is taking it personally that she wasn't able to do more for you in therapy? It isn't fair! I hope you are able to find a therapist that you click with as well as you did Sharon!! Keep trying! There are lots of people who care--sending you prayers!

I'm just thinking that you saw her for 8 years and she probably felt she wasn't helping you anymore. 8 years is a very, very long time to be in therapy and make little to no improvements. She was calling 911 on you just a few months back. It sounds like you were more obsessed with your therapist than you were with healing. A theraputic relationship should not life or death to you. She was not your friend. You should be able to easily move on because in 8 years she failed you in many ways. She crossed boundaries with you by seeing how attached you were and doing nothing about it. My therapist would never let me feel like her treatment was all there was and I would die without her.

Hi Pilgrim and all

Have been away for a while and so am now catching up on your posts and sorry you are not feeling as upbeat as you were a few days back, when you had new strength after Shades of Hope.

I share Anonymous' anger with your therapist for seemingly manipulating you. Even if someone else said that she was the best therapist ever, that doesn't mean she was the best one for you.

It is normal that you are still grieving at the end of an 8-year relationship after only two months. You and the kids.

I hope you start to feel stronger and less hard on yourself soon. It's sometimes easier to blame ourselves than be really angry at someone else but I think your anger here is well deserved, just my humble thoughts...

Anna

heck, greiving an eight-MONTH relationship was hard so I can't imagine eight years. SUCKS. I had a therapist when I was 19 that I saw for two years. She didn't diagnose me DID, but I had a horrible ED and we worked on that. I had to leave her because she was at a children's clinic and when I turned 21 the clinic released me. She was so good with me. She prepared me for months, she let me cry about it and beg her to go into private practice just for me, she had lunch with me several times afterward, we talked on the phone many times, we wrote, and she allowed me to call her and even go see her as a "friend" anytime I wanted. It became less and less because she was so easy with letting me go and had assigned me to someone else (who I never went to). Then when Stephanie did what she did to me, I was panic stricken and guess who I called? My old T from Florida. And she remembered me. We had lunch again, she reminded me of all the progress I had made with my ED and she just made me feel like everything was okay. It's the difference between a therapist who totally screws up and one who really cares and can't help.

I have no idea whether Sharon screwed up or not, but in my opinion, at the very least, she should have gradually ended it with you rather than abruptly nothing -- especially after eight years.

The scary thing is there are some really bad t's out there, but there are also some wonderful ones. I have found one now that is AMAZING and could not do more for me than she has. There is a T out there for you.

i think it might be time to try to model the behaviour you need to get to even if you don't yet believe it.

i talked a bit about a significant loss i had in my life that was my bottom and when i reached it and i realized that things had to change the next big question was "what now?"

i didn't believe in myself. i wasn't positive. i was extremely negative and toxic to many people around me. but i knew that if i was going to get out of this i needed to turn myself around.

so since i didn't have any belief in myself at the time, i decided i would model the behaviour that i wanted and hopefully, eventually, things would start turning around.

and so when someone asked me how things were going i would only respond positively. "excellent", i would say. it's amazing how people would respond. i guess not many people respond that way.

for the longest time i did not feel excellent but eventually, slowly, i realized that i had started seeing the good things in my life instead of constantly focusing on the bad things and reflecting those back to others.

little kids are resilient and they will start modelling the behaviour of those that they trust. even if you don't believe it, if you can put forward only positive thoughts about your relationship with sharon, about her departure and how you will use that to move forward to improve, eventually the kids will model that behaviour and believe that it is true.

they can't do that if you don't believe it.

That's what I do all day long at my job.

That's what I do all day long at my job.

That's what I do all day long at my job.

and does it work at school?

i know it's so hard, jo. but you have to try. you have to grab on to anything that you can even if it's threads of what you hope and dream for.

it's like your decision to start eating. you just have to decide. today i make this decision because today is the day. today is the day that i've grieved enough. the grieving is not getting you anywhere and it is definitely not helping the kids.

believe what we are telling you. believe your sister and those that have a different perspective. this is not your fault. sharon did not give up on you. she gave up on her own abilities to help you.

as long as you keep blaming yourself for what someone else did, you will never find your way out.

say it out loud:

I AM NOT TO BLAME FOR THIS.
I DID NOT FAIL MY THERAPY.
I DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG.
THE WAY OUT IS TO LET IT GO.

it's time for teacher mode. if one of your students were feeling the way that you feel, the way that mae feels, what would you do today to help? how about tomorrow? you would be able to create a plan for your students. you need to create that same plan for yourself. day by day. model the behaviour that you want to achieve. you know that it will work with time.