I need to express myself better

I wish I were a painter so that I could make worlds with paint. Or a poet. So that I could make worlds with words.
I wish I were an artist who could pick up a pencil and draw people a picture to make it clear what I'm fumbling with words to explain.

There is so much inside, this entire ,vast world. Things that I see inside, and sense inside, that can't be explained in words. I wish I could make a movie to show everyone:LOOK. This is what you think you know about me; now HERE is what the TRUTH is. You think you know how my plural mind works? You think you know how things are divided, how communication happens, who sees what? Take a look at this movie and I'll show you the TRUTH.

Today I feel really..frustrated.
frustrated with the lack of skills necessary to express myself.
i try art, webpages, writing journals, pitiful little drawings, sculpture, collages, boxes... you name it.
But nothing works. I am still trying hard to find the "right" way. there has to be something that i haven't thought of yet, that will show people. that will make a lightbulb go of in peoples' heads (my husband, my therapists, my ex friends, everyone I need to know)... and say "OH! NOW I get it. OK. I had my own ideas about what I thought I knew about you, but NOW I REALLY get it.

until then...i'm going to just sit here and have another headache and feel isolated and frustrated. there is so much stuck inside i cannot get out.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:

comments.gif

I think we all feel misunderstood. We all keep a little inside, but I can only imagine what it is like for you guys. I think I'm beginning to understand. I would like mae to know that because the host is now an adult, I'm sure that nothing bad can happen now. When you become an adult you too will feel some more control over your life. Hmmm. Brings me to another question. Do alters age? I think that all of you express yourself very well. I don't think you should blame yourselves if others can't quite understand. I'm not sure they can fully without experiencing it. Hugs,Heather

I think your words are very powerful. I started reading your blog tonight and it's almost 6:30 a.m and I have not been to bed yet because your blog is so powerful. You are acomplishing so much and you will work through all of this I'm sure and know from me there is no judgement or looking down on you. You did nothing wrong. Try to remember that. You have done nothing to be ashamed or feel guilty about but I know this is hard for you to believe and stop. Btw this message is for everybody and I think pilgrams needs more trust from the others and then she can support more but you are doing it and learning and ppl want to support and listen to all of you and what you want to say. donna

ULTIMATE....too good....impressive & very powerful...what else can I say...I am very much impress..keep it up

dude you can be a writer
duhh! its like perfect for you......looks like you expressed your self pretty well.....

i hate my mom

i hate my mom

i hate my mom

i hate my mom

i hate my mom

i think you just expressed yourself beautifully. i feel the same way at all times in my life. no one even comes close to understanding me.

i guess you're right. sometimes we feel something inside and yet no one seems to understand us. i, too, experienced it and it really makes me feel bad. i wanted to shout it out loud and yet no one cares to listen. just have to talk to myself and make "me" a stronger person through my own effort. if i will hold i know on it will make me feel better but if i will not, i lost. right? keep on holding on. you're doing great just express it.

i guess you're right. sometimes we feel something inside and yet no one seems to understand us. i, too, experienced it and it really makes me feel bad. i wanted to shout it out loud and yet no one cares to listen. just have to talk to myself and make "me" a stronger person through my own effort. if i will hold i know on it will make me feel better but if i will not, i lost. right? keep on holding on. you're doing great just express it.

You've expressed yourself very well Pilgrim, but I know what you mean as I've suffered from this problem of not being able to verbally express myself since I was a young kid in the 1950's. I used to get mocked at school as a result which just exacerbated the problem hooribly. I've found that I can express myself better in writing than verbally. To add to my woes of not being able to express myself, I also suffer from Bipolar 2 disorder.
All the best,
Daniel,
South Africa

i'm only 17 and i have the same problem... i dont know how to tell my parents stupid things like why i hate our family holidays..or even the fact that i am totally confused about which career direction i want to go in.if i write ...the words dont seem to be enough.. it constantly feels like im stuck in my own head and i'll probably go mad like this one day...its painful and feels like i'm going nowhere at all...

Wow. You did a very nice job at explaining this and so did you Daniel. I am facing the same, I could not even describe this, this being stuck in my head, so you've just had me alot less frustrated. Thank you. :)




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