Denial again.

This all can't possibly be my life. This can't all be real. I have to be making all this up or something.
This is Pilgrim. None of this is real, right? Its all in my head. Or I'm psychotic, or lying, or overly imaginative. I dont want any of this to be true, all these writings that are here, all the things I hear in my head, all the evidence I have. I want to get away from it all. I feel like such a crazy person. i must just be crazy. Maybe I'm just psycho. And just don't realize it. There cant REALLY be other people, named nobody and Caroline and Mae and claire and Tuck and the kids and Missy and...etc.... all in there, right? Maybe i have just been... too stressed out the past few months. ok, 25 years.
today i just want to pretend nothing ever happened.
pretend there was no abuse.
pretend there was no rape.
pretend there was no other stuff.
i just want to pretend, just for today.
i just want to get away from it all.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under: Biofeedback

comments.gif

Oh Pilgrim.I don't know if this means anything, but I don't think you're crazy. I think that you did what you had to do to survive. There's nothing crazy about that. Hugs,Heather




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