contrasting personalities
Fear makes me want to crawl away in the darkness and hide, is that the way you feel? (posted by an Anonymous commenter)
Yes...that is how I feel. I don't feel like I can confront my fears (and there are lots of them.) nobody
I can confront some fears. Sometimes I like to be brave, I just need a little pep talk first. Pilgrim
Mae's whole self seems to be fear-based. She's afraid of EVERYTHING. But she's learning how to get over her fears with our therapist's help. It seems like when Mae learnshow to do something, it helps everyone else.
Missy isn't afraid of anything. That has gotten me into trouble more than once. She walks down a darkened street with a strut and and attitude, while others (like Nobody, for instance) walk own the street with her head down low and afraid to look at anyone.
The Bully likes to make people afraid of HIM. Its certainly worked on the rest of us. And during the years when the Bully was at the front the most, my friends were afraid of me. I'm sad to say that during those years, I (in the loosest sense of the word) was a very mean person. :( My friends were afraid of making me mad at school. I would threaten them, hit them on the arm if they didn't do what I wanted. On the outside, the Bully was in charge, while on the inside, it was just me and Nobody, who were terrified of people, terrified of the Bully, and were hiding deep inside during those years and more than happy to let the Bully have control on the outside.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under: Biofeedback
Hi all,Jody, fear of failure, confrontation, crowds, accidents, make me want to crawl away to bed and hide out...I think I've told you this before. And once I'm hiding, it takes a 'required' outing (aka doctor visit or my mom or Jen or Frank, REALLY needing me). i don't want to confront fears, i just want them to go away, & if they won't then I go away, to bed to sleep, my safe place. I know you are working on sessions with your Therapist about abuse and it's so hard for you. It'll be good in the long run, it's good to get it outside of you.Pilgrim, when I've been hiding I often need a coaxing out by Frank and pep talks from him and my Mom or even my daughter Jen who is 18. Sometimes then the fear has passed and didn't need to be sweated, or I face it and survive just as my supporters say I would. The worst is behind you, things you may not even know of yet. Ahead of you is discovery, probably painful, and healing.Mae, Of course is afraid the most. She's a little girl. I remember being little and being a singlet and not abused, I still had enormous fear of the dark and of fire. Mae has probably experienced things that we all would be afraid of. Her picture I received in the mail had her eyes and mouth crossed out, as if to say she doesn't want to see the bad, and she can't talk about it. Since our friendship started though, I think Mae has gotten stronger and less scared or sad or screamy; her trust of Sharon and your adults has grown and that's great progress. I'm absolutely thrilled as a singlet to be your friends, Pilgrim (aka all), Jody & Mae, & recently Caroline.The more I learn the more I understand and can care in a REAL way about the life of 'Pilgrim'. I love you all.Hugs, big ones, Judy
Hello Pilgrim, Its easy to see why Mae would be the most fearful one,she was the youngest one right? The abuse started with her so shes kind of the root of it all and has to struggle with everything. She was very young and vulnurable and it would be terrifying for a child that young to go through so much abuse.The mind is very delicate at that age, you were not emotionally prepared to handle that much that soon and everything got srewed up. Our mind is kind of like a computer,you go messing with all the wrong buttons and everything gets messed up,but just like a computer the mind can be fixed and reprogrammed. Thats what your therepist will help you with but God is going to have to heal your spirit. As for the bully,I think hes sort of a shield for you,maybe your hiding behind him for protection,maybe he makes you feel safe,do you think that could be it?