Sweet Pilgrim,

I'm soooo sorry you are having such a hard week. I had no idea. And you are not stupid or selfish to want to keep your counseling sessions as planned. it stinks that S is sick, it truly does because you need her. And you don't have to pretend to be cheerful so she won't think you are a pain. If there's one person to be HONEST with, besides yourself, it's your therapist.

And though it must be soooo hard to deal with, the body memories and old feelings of being too much like your mom need to be talked out with S. I'm just so sorry you have to wait til your next session.

I like the exercise idea better than the cutting.

I understand just wanting to disappear...when my depression gets overwhelming, I do just that and disappear into bed.

I have lost everyone who was a 'best friend' too. When I got FMS and stopped working and socializing, I became inconvenient for those who I thought were friends and might come through for me during the rough times. Nope, they're all gone.

Luckily I consider my husband Frank, my mother, and my daughter as my best friends now. But then there are issues I just don't want to talk with Frank about, ditto for Mom & Jen. And I miss 'girl talk', female friend companionship, gal pals.

I cherish you sweet Pilgrim. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope we can connect soon.
Write me any time.

Big Safe Hugs and Blessings, Judy

I feel the same way. Very lonely want to go out and makes friends but no where to go. I feel trapped and alone. Know one to turn to to make me feel better.No one seems to care if I am alone and hurt inside. To them every time I say anything about how I feel they asome that I just want to fight. But they never listen to what I say. Always stopping what I'm saying before I can finish what I'm saying. And than they say they don't even want to look at me.Saying they wish they never moved me in with them that is their worse mistake they ever made. Never thinking about how I was treated as a child and how my ex left me all alone all the time, when my ex left me alone that's when I new that my marrage was almost over cause he didd'nt want to be with me.It seems to feel the same way that I felt back than, never anybody to talk to, nobody ever wants to listen to anything I say, always asuming that I'm trying to start a fight, if they would just shut the fuck up and listen they could fucken help me with my problem by listening they would know how i feel when I say that I'm alone.Just cause I say that I'm lonely dosen't mean that I want to be left alone more. I really feel like nobody cares about me. Cause they never spend any time with me, that's how i know nobody cares. Showing alittle compation for me and apreciation for me being here is one positive way to make me feel alittle better.
But I don't think anybody knows what it feels like to be alone all the time. If I wanted to be alone all the fucken time you think I would have moved somewere bymyself. Wish I could snap my fingers and make myself feel better, but thats not going to happen. I'm not acting this way to start a fight I really am lonely and depressed. People just don't want to understand how I feel is how they treat me, leaving me alone all the time is why I feel the way I do. You should just lock me up and throw away the key, cause the way I feel is lonely and I'm tired of feeling that way. No one could possibly know how I feel about my pothetic feeling life. It's bad enough that I can't get out of this house, but for the one that's suppose to love me and take care of me isn't even listening to me when I say that I'm not happy being alone all the time,how do I get out of how I feel, when nobody is trying to help me feel better.