You're so brave. Thank you so much for keeping this blog. I found it by looking up info on Wikipedia on Disassociative Identity Disorder and there was a link to your site. I'm currently involved with a woman who's gone through an incredible amount of trauma throughout her life and a lot of things she repressed in childhood are starting to come back to her. I'm extremely worried about her. I'm sorry you're so lonely. You have no idea how many people you're helping by keeping this blog. Thank you so much.

Oh Pilgrim I wish you'd posted this on the board, I would have seen it a lot sooner. I can relate SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much to that...wow I cant even explain it...I just do those EXACT same things...refreshing e-mail and the board over and over and over again, sitting there waiting for someone to come online or post or e-mail me something, even spam, as you said at least its mail...and reading ljs and other websites, and taking those quizzes...i do those things so much when i'm lonely and its night and no one is online and everyone here is asleep...heheh and even listening to my dog dream too...and i think about writing e-mails or posting more rambles on the board (dont know if its okay to have the initials here so im just calling it the board for now), but decide, as you said, its nothing new, just more of the same, feel stupid and decide not to...the "lonely hotline" is SUCH a good idea, i've thought that so many times, actually thought about starting an online board just for that purpose...i wish there was a hotline like that...where you could just call when you feel like that and not have to feel like you're bothering someone, writing more rambles for other people to read, annoying people with your problems...just someone to talk to and be honest with, talking to random kids from school and stuff online about stupid things almost makes it worse for me at least...but yeah...i definately definately definately know what you mean...sorry this is kind of incoherent...just really can relate...

big safe hugs, i hope tonight is going better for you

katy

i can realte to sum esp the sleeping pills hahah sumtimes lol u kno wts fun ... if its raining u go dancing in the rain

I Love you!
I mean not in a weird way, its just that I feel just exactly like you. Its just nice knowing that there's somebody out there that feels the same way I do.
I Guess since im here ill leave a little something for your mind to nibble on.
The title is called CRITICAL.

The study of the biblical is so critical.
Yet people still have carnal minds and are so senical.
Father God we need a miracle!
Things havent been the same since the detachment of my umbilical.
Born into sin now death as an infant is taken literal.
Raised in a society where the physical is more real than the spiritual!
I guess one of the reasons I see it, is cause im so analytical.
But let the truth be told, most humans will never understand the depts of life and why it is so critical.
P.S. Thats straight from the heart of me,myself, and I.

i dont know why but even though i have a gf i still feel the same exact way and its not that she doesnt care, i just need alot more freinds and people to talk to when the going gets rough. yeah im wishing for the loneliness hotline right about now. i just happend to be surfing the net just waiting for my world to come spining to brief yet satisfying halt. my family hates me, everyone thinks im too weird to talk to. all i can do is bury my emotions in math, physics, cafine and masturbation. my gf doesnt want sex any more, she says she just doesnt want it. but im still beating off twice a day or more just to drown that feeling loneliness in orgasm after emotionless orgasm. everytime i try and connect with her she pushes me away. i know she had a traumatic childhood but shes all ive got so i have to try. i thought moving in with her would make it easier but in some ways its only gotten harder. as im writing this every now and then it hits me, that im nothing, im just another kid in a noname town. ive seen it a thousand times before, on the news and tv, ill never be satisfied, what little i had is now gone. i am truly alone.... ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

i dont know why but even though i have a gf i still feel the same exact way and its not that she doesnt care, i just need alot more freinds and people to talk to when the going gets rough. yeah im wishing for the loneliness hotline right about now. i just happend to be surfing the net just waiting for my world to come spining to brief yet satisfying halt. my family hates me, everyone thinks im too weird to talk to. all i can do is bury my emotions in math, physics, cafine and masturbation. my gf doesnt want sex any more, she says she just doesnt want it. but im still beating off twice a day or more just to drown that feeling loneliness in orgasm after emotionless orgasm. everytime i try and connect with her she pushes me away. i know she had a traumatic childhood but shes all ive got so i have to try. i thought moving in with her would make it easier but in some ways its only gotten harder. as im writing this every now and then it hits me, that im nothing, im just another kid in a noname town. ive seen it a thousand times before, on the news and tv, ill never be satisfied, what little i had left is now gone. i am truly alone.... ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

to anyone who read my post thanks for listening. the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that maybe i can make a few people happy. so my advice to if you dont want to be alone... help someone out.... right now! look for anybody who despratly needs any form of help and give it to them. maybe tomorow ill have a chance to make a difference. to anybody who read this, good night, and hold on just a bit longer......

i dont know why but even though i have a gf i still feel the same exact way and its not that she doesnt care, i just need alot more freinds and people to talk to when the going gets rough. yeah im wishing for the loneliness hotline right about now. i just happend to be surfing the net just waiting for my world to come spining to brief yet satisfying halt. my family hates me, everyone thinks im too weird to talk to. all i can do is bury my emotions in math, physics, cafine and masturbation. my gf doesnt want sex any more, she says she just doesnt want it. but im still beating off twice a day or more just to drown that feeling loneliness in orgasm after emotionless orgasm. everytime i try and connect with her she pushes me away. i know she had a traumatic childhood but shes all ive got so i have to try. i thought moving in with her would make it easier but in some ways its only gotten harder. as im writing this every now and then it hits me, that im nothing, im just another kid in a noname town. ive seen it a thousand times before, on the news and tv, ill never be satisfied, what little i had left is now gone. i am truly alone.... ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

to anyone who read my post thanks for listening. the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that maybe i can make a few people happy. so my advice to if you dont want to be alone... help someone out.... right now! look for anybody who despratly needs any form of help and give it to them. maybe tomorow ill have a chance to make a difference. to anybody who read this, good night, and hold on just a bit longer......

i dont know why but even though i have a gf i still feel the same exact way and its not that she doesnt care, i just need alot more freinds and people to talk to when the going gets rough. yeah im wishing for the loneliness hotline right about now. i just happend to be surfing the net just waiting for my world to come spining to brief yet satisfying halt. my family hates me, everyone thinks im too weird to talk to. all i can do is bury my emotions in math, physics, cafine and masturbation. my gf doesnt want sex any more, she says she just doesnt want it. but im still beating off twice a day or more just to drown that feeling loneliness in orgasm after emotionless orgasm. everytime i try and connect with her she pushes me away. i know she had a traumatic childhood but shes all ive got so i have to try. i thought moving in with her would make it easier but in some ways its only gotten harder. as im writing this every now and then it hits me, that im nothing, im just another kid in a noname town. ive seen it a thousand times before, on the news and tv, ill never be satisfied, what little i had left is now gone. i am truly alone.... ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

to anyone who read my post thanks for listening. the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that maybe i can make a few people happy. so my advice to if you dont want to be alone... help someone out.... right now! look for anybody who despratly needs any form of help and give it to them. maybe tomorow ill have a chance to make a difference. to anybody who read this, good night, and hold on just a bit longer......