Independence and Interdependence
Independence is not something that comes easily around here. Its more like we have to have interdependence [n : a reciprocal relation between interdependent entities (objects or individuals or groups).]
But that is SO not what we all want. We all want so much to be free and be our own self and just do what we want.
The other day, Carolineine got some got some good news. She is going to get to go somewhere for a week that she really wants to go and she's very excited. She'd leave today if she could. This is good news for Pilgrim too, although she's not quite as excited as Carolineine is--- she's thinking more practically---along the lines of, how tired am I going to get? Do we really have time to be going off on another trip? Jo is weary. She looks at the trip as a frightening event where she has to go be around new people--and new people are terrifying. She'd rather stay at home on the couch, watching Sesame Street with Mae. Most of the kids see the trip as and adventure-- they can go outside, maybe meet some other kids to play with, they trust Carolineine to keep them safe. Mae, however, is having the biggest problem. She is downright terrified and doesn't want to go at all. She's been panicking all week long and keeps everyone from getting a decent night's sleep. She can't calm herself down and won't listen to anyone else inside.
If only it were possible that Mae could stay home and be safe while Carolineine went off for a week. If only Pilgrim, Mae, and Jo could go to therapy while the kids stayed home and watched Sesame Street. Or that Jo could lay on the couch all day and sleep like she wants. If only Missy could go off to college and have her PhD's by now like she wants. Everyone inside wants so much to be their own, independent person in their own body.
But it just isn't possible. And it doesn't seem fair. But fair or not, we all have to work with what we've been given. Everyone stuck together in one body. Trying to work together in a relationship none of us asked for.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
Pilgrim,
I totally agree with you... I have been diagnosed with DID/MPD from both my therapist and the Trauma Hospital Doctors, and it takes a while to get diagnosed and for me it was something that they told me I had, not something I looked to prove. In fact, me, being the host, I DONT LIKE BEING DID/MPD... IT IS SO HARD TO LIVE MY LIFE LIKE THIS... and to think people use this diagnosis to get away with stuff and pretend - and worse, those that just want attention (that should be histronic personality disorder, not DID... duh)...
Anyways, I'm struggling with DID, and people like this only make it worse!