Update
I am still having dreams about Sharon and I wish they'd stop. I'm still having them about 3 times a week. It makes it hard to get her off my mind. I still think about what happened, a lot. A lot more than I should. I try not to think about what happened, because it still stings so much. Makes my heart ache. Whenever I catch myself thinking about Sharon, I try to start thinking about something else. But the feelings of rejection and worthlessness still pop up a lot. I wish so much I could find a good counselor to help me get over this. The 7 people that I tried last year were SO bad. I don't have it in me to try again, at least right now. I pray about this a lot-- that God will arrange for some good help to come along. Something that I can afford and something that will fit in my busy work schedule. So far, nothing.
And I just really need a friend, a real friend. I need someone to talk to and hang out wish so badly. A lot of people write to me here through Health diaries offering to be friends. I've discovered though that what they REALLY mean is that they want to have a friend with DID to see what its like. Then they often join my forum (AMJ) and become friends with the members there who have DID, and then they forget about me. Its happened too many times to count.
What I really, really want is someone who wants to be friends with ME, someone who wants to get to know ME....and then if they happen to find out that I have DID, it doesn't really matter to them. I keep praying about that too.
Maybe someday. I hope.
Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:
Boy, do I hear what you are saying about longing for a friend...for someone who cares about you and likes you...regardless of your having DID.
I know that I am very leery of revealing too much about myself to people in 3D because they might not understand...leading them to thinking I am weird or something. I have enough of a struggle with doing life. I don't need that, too.
I really hope that you DO find someone...and me, too.
Keep praying for that friend. I am, too! I completely understand what you're thinking -- wanting to meet someone who doesn't know about your DID, someone who wants to know you, likes you, finds out about the DID and it doesn't change their opinion of you at all. God sees you, knows your heart, hears your prayers. Don't give up!
Sweetie.. as I have tried to explain a few times before that is NOT the reason I wanted to be your friend.. not at all. I want to be that real true friend you described.. the one you say you need hon.. but well.. you have to give me the chance sweetie.
Afterall.. as I said I never wanna push you into trusting me or anything which is why I am rather quiet I guess.. I try to let you know I am here for you and let you let me know when/if you need me. Does that make sense hon? I just don't feel it is right for me tomake you feel forced into trusting me.. I try to just let you open up as you feel comfortable with.. I hope that you will someday believe me that I am not just trying to be your friend because of the D.I.D...
anyhow.. Iam always here if you need me sweetie *hugs* love y'all..
I am confused most of the time to whether this is real or not, I go through it, too.I ffel like I'm holding a secret against fellow christians expecially sorry to say the ones in the south because there very religious in there thinking as if I have to will it away or rebuke and bind satan everyday for me to get over the sudden emotions. I don't give him that much glory. I have blocks of missing memories that comes back over time when the alters decide to integrate what does rebuking satan have to do with it, i don't know. I am become whole like the words say, yes sometimes i cry or hurt. but we conversate with ourselves and agree to forgive, share the memories, and trust God and i/we becomes more like...me/us.
The word says thse who want a friend show yourself friendly, I have different leveles of friends now, and I make sure they were worthwhile, just not ones close as Jesus is to me which is a friend closer than a brother.
So sorry about this heartache. I wish I could make it all better for you, all of it.