Health Diaries > Bipolar Disorder > Handcuffed to the Roller Coaster
April 5, 2005
Tie a Knot & Hang On
What do you do when your cycling has started again? Well, you could give up. It's easy to sigh and cry and sleep and eat Twinkies and miss work, get fired and then really be depressed. Believe me, the urge to do that is nearly overwhelming. Or, do what I do. Tie a knot and hang on.
I started seeing a therapist, the first real therapist I've had in many, many years. She has me doing art therapy, despite the fact all I can draw is little stick figures. In three sessions, we've discovered I'm preoccupied with loss and change and that leads to depression. We've also learned I'm very out of touch with my emotions.
It's the meds, of course. The same meds that even out the swings that make it so I don't know which feelings are genuine, put a barrier between me and my real feelings. I know they're down there, but it's going to take a lot of work to bring that wall down. Berlin was probably easier.
So I'm swinging from a knot on the end of a long rope. I've been here before. I know I can do it. It's not much fun, but I've done it before. I can do it again.
Posted by Susan on April 5, 2005 11:26 PM
