Still Pulling Hair
I've been gone for a while. I think I've been trying to pretend that I'm not pulling. HA! The pulling hasn't gotten any worse, but it's not getting any better either. The areas that I've pulled are not growing in because I'm yanking them out! I feel really anxious these days....due to a lot of reasons. And anxiety always makes the pulling worse. It's the high and the escape that I get from pulling that keeps me pulling. I need to realize that my anxiety over things will not get better or worse because I pull. The feelings won't go away because I pulled.
The good news is that I stopped pulling my eyelashes. They were really very bad for a while. I had to go to bed with vaseline on my eyelids every night for a week because the new eyelashes growing in hurt so bad. It was like have cactus eyelids. Yuck! Luckily, the eyelashes have grown in really fast. Whew. I also switched mascaras which helped a LOT. I was using the waterproof which made my eyelashes brittle and easy to pull. Not good! I switched back to regular and it's much better. Course I end up with raccoon eyes a lot but HEY...at least I have eyelashes to go with those.
My weight is causing a lot of anxiety right now. I finally heard some kind of "click" in my brain and I've gotten on track. My highest weight was 248 and I'm now down to about 235 or so. But it's like my eyes are finally opened to all the weight that is on my body...and it's very hard. I do want to give up quite often. But I'm so unhealthy right now that giving up is not an option. I really want to be healthy! I have 27 pounds to get to my "pre-pregnancy with Sammie" weight. I would be happy if I could reach that goal before Christmas or so. I'm really working hard and sticking to my Weight Watchers plan and FIRM-ing every other night. I just wish I would have started this 20 pounds ago. :-( On the other hand, it could have gotten much farther.
So what to do about the pulling? I guess I'll just take it day by day. I try not to think about how good things were before when I wasn't pulling. I feel like I was a different person then. I just try to think now that I'm still pretty...even though I pull. I try to stay very positive about it. The more negative I am, the more I want to pull.
until next time.
Posted by Cody on August 1, 2005 9:06 PM