April 6, 2008

Four days pull free..on the fifth one

I am on my fifth day pull free, but I'm feeling frustrated. My not-so-dear husband is in the hospital with asthmatic bronchitis after I'd been telling him for FOUR DAYS to go to the hospital and quit being stupid. I don't like my lack of compassion for him, but I feel so SPENT. I have no resources for him. I feel angry that he doesn't take care of himself. I feel angry that he spent $200+ dollars on exercise gear and hasn't used it ONCE. Argh. Ah well let it go. Roll off my back. I don't have the energy for him.

BUt I am almost five days pull free. I feel like this pull-free spree will last a long time. I feel confident for the first time in a long time.

Now if I just had the energy to concentrate on my eating. :-) I'm hoping to make a fresh start tomorrow morning (but not eat myself to death in the mean time either.) I developed the photos from our vacation and I just can't BELIEVE it is ME in those photos. But it still doesn't sink in. It doesn't compute. I don't understand. I can't seem to make myself SEE reality. Why is that? Because it's easier to just keep eating and numb my frustrations.

At least I'm pull free. And my kids are happy. :-) And I love them. Right now, that seems to be all I need. Everything else in its own time.

Posted by Cody on April 6, 2008 1:06 PM


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He's an idiot. Let him go get attention in the hospital, and you concentrate on yourself and on the kids and you guys go focus on yourselves and being happy. Pick your battles-- and leave him out of it (yah I know, easier said than done, don't I know it.) You keep yourself and the kids happy, and ignore mr stupid.



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