March 8, 2009

It's been a long time since I posted about trich

It's been a long time since I posted anything. I'm sorry for my absence. There has been a lot that has happened since I last posted. I think that last summer I started to make some changes in my life. I started by giving a better home to the pup that I really did love but didn't have time for. This made my home quieter and more relaxed (even though sometimes I really do miss his silly face and warm body). I've also lost my job working for my father, as his business has gone under after years and years of struggle. Now I'm a full time mom. For being something that I had wished for forever, it took some getting used to. I really do feel very blessed most of the time, but other times I am completely burnt out and used up. When I was working I often felt it was okay to have someone else watch the kids while I worked and got caught up on things, but now since it is basically my life and my "job" to watch and raise the kids, I don't feel like it's okay for me to have my mom or someone come and take over for a while. I'm not sure why this is. I think most moms know that at least SOME time away regularly actually makes you a better mom. You're able to gain perspective, think for a while, and come back refreshed. But I have such a hard time accepting this! When I have my mom or someone come over for a while, I feel so lazy and selfish. I do want to stop thinking this way, but it is going to take some time, and it may never happen. :-)

I'm still attending art school online which is very challenging and which I've almost quit three times. :-) The only thing that is really keeping my going right now is the fact that I love learning, and the fact that I have no way of paying back my student loans while I'm jobless, so I might as well keep on learning. I do feel like I have a future as a designer, but I'll never take any job that will take me away from my children too often, even when they're in high school. Of course, I say that now, but ask me again in about ten years and see what I say. :-)

Time does pass all too quickly sometimes. Jamie is about to turn three and Sammie turned six two months ago. How is that POSSIBLE? Looking back, it SEEMS like it's been that long, but at the same time it feels like it's gone like the blink of an eye. Motherhood is such a contradiction in emotion...all the time we want them to grow up and become independent, while at the same time we want to stop them where they are or even go BACK in time to when they were tiny babies. Time is also like a snowball going down a just keeps going faster with the bigger it gets. Sometimes I wonder how my mind and heart will handle all of these memories and emotions from all the years, but somehow, I handle it. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I even want to stop moving, but somehow I keep going.

I still pull my hair too much. My hair is about 1/3 missing right now. I was pull free last spring and summer up until about November when we realized I was going to lose my job and lose my income. STRESS! So I sadly started pulling again. I really DO want to be pull free. I feel like a failure because I'm not pull free. I'm ready for a pull-free time to come again.

Once I lost my job, we were forced to declare bankruptcy after struggling for a long time. Fortunately we've been able to keep our cars and our house, but it has still been such a hard time. I've always wanted to be accountable for my debt. We made so many mistakes. And I couldn't face the world outside my home and leave my children to get a job. The very idea just broke my heart. Thankfully, praise God, through these trials we've found a way for me to stay home with the kids, which is the best thing for me and them. And I'm so thankful. I can't put into words what it feels like to sit here on a Sunday night knowing that for days and days to come, my responsibilities are only to keep and teach and care for my children, and that will be the majority of my life. It is a blessing. There are so many material things that I can no longer have because of this decision, but I'm grateful that we are in this place now. I have only one pair of jeans, holes in most of my socks, and a broken washing machine, but I know that tomorrow I'll be there when my kids wake up and I'll be there when Sammie gets home from school and I'll be there when they eat the dinner that I made and I'll be there to get them their baths and play with them and put them to be. I'll be there. And isn't that amazing? I'll be there to take Sammie to school every morning and kiss her goodbye and tell her I'll see her off the bus in the afternoon. I'll be there to play with Jamie and watch his favorite movie for the 300th time. I'll be there to take them outside after school and look for signs of spring and maybe dig for worms. There is so much to look forward to.

I guess that sometimes I think that my hair pulling rules my life. But it doesn't have to. Maybe if I just let go and let God, I can be the person that I need to be. With all my hair and everything.

Until next time.

Posted by Cody on March 8, 2009 8:10 PM


I started picking my eyelashes and brows when I was 11 years old and am now 33. For the first few years I was completely bald, and it was mortifying, everybody noticed and as I was in boarding school it was impossible to hide and i got bullied and teased incessantly. I have struggled with it through the years and am now a controlled puller - in that my family have assumed I don't do this any longer as I always have enough lashes and brows to mask the problem. Only I know I still struggle with this condition - and struggle I do. I am a psychologist, so am fully aware that this is an impulse control condition, we just have to distract ourselves from the impulse - easier said than done I know. You have to believe that you can stop, even if it is only enough to have some hair remaining. Also, i find rubbing castor, almond or avocado oil on lashes and brows at night helps with regrowth. My experience is once you start that initial playing with the hair, that this is the pivotal moment - if you can distract yourself and stop the initial playing you won't pick - sometimes I try a little breath work (4 sec inhale, 7 secs hold and 8 secs exhale - 4 times while clenching my fists and releasing and repeating to myself that "I am stronger than this" - mostly this works - and if it gets really bad I find the only thing to stop is to stand up and do something physical, like go for a walk or jumping jacks on the spot. All distraction mechanisms i know.
Anyway, I just thought i would share my experiences - i think its important to accept that we are NOT abnormal, everybody copes with life in a different way and this is our way - there are worse ways. We can stop this or at the very least control this, we just need to work on it day by day - and if we have a relapse, no big deal , start fresh the next day.I think we all need to believe that we can do this, and as some of the others on this blog have shown, it IS possible.
Good luck

Im only 14. I used to pull out my eyelashes and my eyebrows i am only 14 and in some of my first years of high school. i had a rough year with people constantly coming up to me asking me why i had no lashes and eye brows. i just told them to go away. i usd to get teased so much about my eyebrows that people would follow me and ask me to look at them. and because of the pain it caused me being teased and bullied i finally after a year couldnt handle the teasing and staring so by some miracle i got my eyebrows back. It has been about a year since then and i have my normal eyebrows back. But now my eyelash pulling is worse than ever. I am still teased at school and i am moving schools in about a week. But i know at my new school people will eventually notice my lack of lashes. So i might home school. It may seem like im over reacting but TRICH has ruined the last few years of my life. I am very self concious and have to wear lots of eye make-up. Its not fair that people can make you feel so miserbale for something you cant help. I feel like i should see a doctor or someone but im too shy.

you can contact me to talk about things on

It's so nice to hear others' stories about struggling through this. I'm twenty-seven and have always played with my hair, ever since I can remember. Then, late in high school, I began "twirling" it so much that my mom and then-boyfriend would constantly nag me about it. I began to grow bald spots from it breaking off or falling out from all the twirling, and I was sometimes able to ease off it and let the bald spots fill back in. Then, a few years ago, I began pulling it out. Now I probably have about half of what I should have on my head. It's so thin and I have so many near-bald spots that I'm embarrassed every time I feel it or look in the mirror. My pulling increased a lot when I had my first baby in April of this year; I was home all day with him, and I was stressed and frustrated while I just sat on the couch feeding him practically all day long. So I just sat and pulled out hair after hair while he was feeding. Since then, I haven't been able to slow down much with the pulling. My hair looks so horrible; I actually basically have a mullet now.
I'm making more and more of a conscious effort to stop myself when I start to pull, and I hope to one day overcome the urges all together or at least most of the time. I hate when I pull in front of my baby, because I'm worried he'll start mimicking me and either twirl or pull out his hair thanks to me.

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