January 24, 2006
drained
Over the past month i've had almost every bit of life and will power sucked outta me. I've been cut down, stomped down, whatever you want to call it. I've given myself, till i had nothing left, and then kept giving. I finally reached the point where i just don't care anymore. I mean, I just don't have the energy to. I'm on empty. There's nothing left on the inside. All the times of getting my hopes up do something to happen and them almost always not happening, i just don't see the point of getting excited about things anymore. My whole support system has fallen though, i've got pretty much nothing. I do see my counselor tomorrow, but how do you get through a whole entire month of crap happening and then have time to work through any of it in one hour? Thats what i get, one hour every 2-4 weeks. It's not enough, but it's all I've got. She wants me to go weekly and i want to sooooo bad but i can't until i can drive, the only transportation there is would make me get on the bus at 5am and then wouldn't bring me home till 2pm for a 1 hour appointment. That's just not feasable with having kids. Not to mention being did. Life just sorta sucks.
The thing that bothers me most is when people say things will get better, or you will overcome this. OK that might be true, but at what cost? Things get better for a little while but they always get worse too. I may get over this stuff, but how much of myself will i lose in the process? I'm not sure there is anymore of me i can lose.
Posted by Heavensdaughter on January 24, 2006 05:38 PM