September 30, 2004


Well, I think I got it figured out. On why tomorrow is bad for my sister. It's because of some freaking bastard guy that thought he could do something to her.

One time I had a dream that I was in a house with my sister and my father, mother, and my sister's boyfriend from a long time ago. The one who was bad to her and raped her and stuff. Well, in this dream I was in the house, and my sister was hanging out with the guy and I couldn't figure out why. And I kept trying to figure out how to get the guy out of the house. Because I knew he was raping her whenever they were alone. But I could understand why she wouldn't get away from him. At one point in the dream, my sister looked like a toddler and was wearing a diaper, and the guy was touching her. *shudder* Finally in my dream, I called 911 and explained to them that I needed a person removed from my home. I called the police right in front of the guy which enraged him. He started to come after me. To get to me, he had to pass by my mother and father. I thought they would protect me from him. But instead, my mom jumped out of the way and to my surprise, my dad was also coming after me, enraged. I managed to jump out of their way and they both went into the kitchen behind me, and I closed the door. But there was a window in the door where I could see their faces. Their faces were contorted with anger, they just wanted to get to me, to rip me to shreds. And I was trying to keep the door closed. That's when I woke up.

They say dreams can mean alot. Let me tell you some others.

When I was eleven, I dreamt in a dream that I had had a bad dream. In my dream, I woke up and my parents were standing at my bedroom door. My dad was being very sarcastic, saying "ooooh, did you have a bad dweeeeeam?" and stuff like that. I was scared. They asked me to come out to the living room to watch TV. I walked in front of them, but was still scared. As we walked out to the living room, my mom ran past me, and I could see a horrified look on her face as she said "Oh no, not again!". Then my dad grabbed me from behind and bit me in the neck. That was a nightmare of a dream. I can still feel the it felt to have him biting my neck.

When I was 27, I dreamt that my dad was fighting with my cousin. In my dream, they were in the woodshop. My dad took the skill saw and cut J's arm off. Then he put J's body through the planer saw. And I was hiding but I had gotten it all on video tape. To prove it. But my dad knew I had the tape. And he was after me.

When I was 26, I dreamt that my dad had cut one of my cats with a chainsaw. I was holding the cat, who was dying, and telling everyone that my dad had done this. But no one would believe me, even though my dad was walking around the entire time with a bloody chainsaw.

When I was 25, I dreamt about a wolf getting into the backyard. And the wolf scared me. I was afraid for my cats and I was trying to get them inside. My cat Jim, laid down with the wolf over by the gate. I couldn't get Jim to get away from the wolf. It was then that I realized the wolf was slowly eating the cat. So slowly, that Jim the cat didn't even realize it. Then I looked closely, though in my dream I was crying, and realized that the wolf had the face of my father.

When I was four or five, I had a nightmare about these tickle people who would come into my room and hold me up high against the wall and tickle me. It was terrifying. I hated those dreams and to this day, I hate being tickled. In one of my dreams, my father was just standing in the doorway, watching them tickle me.

I've had other dreams where I'm simply screaming at my father, calling him terrible names, and cursing at him. Making him cry. I can't believe the rage that comes out of my mouth in these dreams.

So there you go. A dream analyst would have a ball with these dontcha think? There's lots of other dreams, but I'm sure I've bored you by now.

Just a little peek into the mad, mad mind of Cody.

Still no pulling. No urges today at all, or yesterday for that matter. I was looking at pictures from last year and I was so sad to look at myself. My hair was so thin, so scraggly, or I was wearing a hat all the time to hide it.

I'm definitely going to a hairdresser next month to get my hair styled. It's been over 100 days, I've realized now. Now I wonder if the past thirteen years will just be a sad secret part of my life, that maybe I won't have to live that way ever again. Maybe it's over.

Let's hope. Until next time. :-)

Posted by Cody on September 30, 2004 7:33 PM


Seems like you had or have issues with your father because alot of those nitemares well if I'm correct, all of them, your father was one of or THE scary monster. I just ramdomly came upon the page, so I don't know if your talking about bad dreams about your father or just bad dreams overall. Anyways just thought I'd pinpoint the obvious. :)

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