Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team

February 27, 2005


I go back to school tomorrow after having a week off (winter break). I don't do well with transitions at all. Now I know most people aren't thrilled to go back to work after vacations or even just the weekend, but for me, there's much more to it. I just haven't figured out what yet. I noticed it being really bad when transitioning back to school in Septemeber after the summer. I could even understand that one. It's a really big transition. But it was really bad after the Christmas break and now here I am again in a bad place after winter break. I have also noticed the transitions being bad after only having the weekend off. Many Sunday nights I just go into panic mode. I just wish I could have some insight into why. I do like my job once I manage to get there and get caught up in things. And I work with really good people. It can be stressful at times but overall it's pretty laid back and not too demanding most of the time. The panic about going back has to do with something else. I just don't know what. I could understand it if I was transitioning back to something bad but I'm really not. So why all this panic? Is it me who panics or is it someone (or several of them) inside? I really need to get some answers and work on ways of making this better. I can't continue to do this every Sunday night. Tonight is particularly bad because of the way I have been feeling the last few days. There has been tremendous sadness and fear since Thursday night. Donna is still away and I know the little ones are feeling abandoned. But I think the intense feelings have to do with some memories. Possibly something I went into with Donna last Monday. Maybe it's a delayed reaction to that. The thing is, I'm not positive because there doesn't seem to be a connection to that. It feels like these feelings have to do with memories but I'm not sure because there is something missing in the connection to it. I think I'm starting to maybe not make sense here so I'll stop and hopefully come back to this if I figure anything out. I'm just feeling really sad, lonely and scared. I wish I could sit with someone safe and just have them hold me and protect me. I think I may take Nyquil tonight in the hope that it will just knock me out until morning. I never fell asleep last night because I was so panicky so I'm very tired. But I know I won't be able to fall asleep on my own. *sigh*

Posted by Butterflyteam on February 27, 2005 3:43 PM


I thought I was the ONLY teacher in the world who still went into panic mode on Sunday nights. I do not understand why I do it either. I too work with great,amazing people, and I have a great boss. But EVERY Sunday night, every transition back from vacation, I too go into panic mode, just like you do.
I swear that you and I share the same brain.
You know once in a while I have caught myself wondering if you are one of my alters writing on here?! hee hee.
Just want you to know again that you're never alone.
*sitting here with you on Sunday nights*.... IM me if you want to talk.

Posted by: Pilgrim at February 27, 2005 5:43 PM

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