Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team
March 30, 2005
my mind had an interesting day....
i woke up very present this morning. it felt so good for a change. i went out to lunch and went shopping with my sister and niece. i went to the gym. i ran some errands and cleaned up around my apartment. i felt like such a normal adult. it was so good. but then....
late afternoon, early evening i started to feel the shift take place. i started to lose the clarity. i had spent a good part of yesterday and most of today in the front. i could feel myself in the front of my mind. and then i felt myself start to slip back. it happened slowly. it's like i can see myself in my mind. all day i was in the front and then i could see myself slipping further and further backwards. usually i can see who else might be around, who might be closer to the front. i can't right now. i'm not sure if anyone is in front of me. all i know is that i am way in the back. i feel far away. i've felt like this before so i'm not sure why it's bothering me so much. maybe because it was just so nice to feel normal for a change. it was so clear. it was right there. and i want it back. why can't it ever last? i hate this far away feeling. i would rather just switch. i know dissociation saved my life but i don't need it anymore. why can't i just stay present?
Posted by Butterflyteam on March 30, 2005 6:43 PM
I've had days like that too. its so strange when you know you are slipping to the back of your mind again, but its like you can't stop it from happening, isn't it?
I'm glad that you at least had a good morning and felt good for a while. You deserve many good mornings and good days ALL the time.
Posted by: pilgrim at March 30, 2005 7:19 PM
