July 1, 2006
i have lost absolute control this past week. i've been feeling a lot and i'm totally watching myself deal with it all by using food or rather lack of food. i can see myself trying to gain back control by not eating and even though i know it's not what i should be doing, i can't seem to stop. i've been taking the diet pills all week and they have really been working. i haven't eaten much all week. i ended up eating something today and couldn't deal with it so i purged. huge mistake. i think i popped a blood vessel in my eye. i can't see out of my left eye right now and there's this big red blob thing covering half of my eye. i'm such an idiot. i feel like a huge fat cow and i just want to cut all the fat off my body. i've had urges to cut all day and i'm trying not to. i don't know what to do to fix my eye. i'm hating myself so much right now.
Posted by Butterflyteam on July 1, 2006 4:16 PM