Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team
October 24, 2006
six years ago.....
it was six years ago today that i tried to kill myself. i've been thinking about it all day today. the pills, the emergency room, doctors trying to talk to me to find out what i took, barely with it to respond, after being in the emergency room forever finally being taken up to the locked psych ward, feeling like a failure that i didn't succeed.
so..... how am i feeling or what am i thinking six years later? not sure. asked myself that question all day and can't seem to tap into what i'm feeling. thought i might try this:
reasons why i'm glad i'm still here today:
- my nephew was 4 at the time and my niece was 1. i've been here to be part of their lives and see what great kids they are.
- i have two new nieces that i would never have been able to meet and enjoy.
- i've always loved teaching but in the most recent years i've come to enjoy it in a different way.
- i would have missed out on knowing some of the new people that are now in my life whom i really care about.
- i would never had met donna and been able to do the healing work i've done.
- i would have never experienced running a marathon.
i'm sure there are others but these seem to be the ones that stick out in my mind the most.
reasons why i sort of wish i had succeeded and aren't too thrilled with still being here:
- i'm not really sure. it seems to be something i can't really articulate. it's defintely a feeling that still exists somewhere inside of me. some days it's not present at all; some days it's there lurking around in the background; and some days it is very present and i can't seem to get away from it.
Posted by Butterflyteam on October 24, 2006 6:56 PM
Have you ever thought that you WERE successful after all? Not successful at suicide, but at surviving? And, I am soooo glad you have succeeded in that. There is no failure in overcoming death. Only in giving up life too soon.
Posted by: The Real Me at October 24, 2006 9:05 PM
