Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team

October 24, 2006

six years ago.....

it was six years ago today that i tried to kill myself. i've been thinking about it all day today. the pills, the emergency room, doctors trying to talk to me to find out what i took, barely with it to respond, after being in the emergency room forever finally being taken up to the locked psych ward, feeling like a failure that i didn't succeed.

so..... how am i feeling or what am i thinking six years later? not sure. asked myself that question all day and can't seem to tap into what i'm feeling. thought i might try this:

reasons why i'm glad i'm still here today:
- my nephew was 4 at the time and my niece was 1. i've been here to be part of their lives and see what great kids they are.
- i have two new nieces that i would never have been able to meet and enjoy.
- i've always loved teaching but in the most recent years i've come to enjoy it in a different way.
- i would have missed out on knowing some of the new people that are now in my life whom i really care about.
- i would never had met donna and been able to do the healing work i've done.
- i would have never experienced running a marathon.

i'm sure there are others but these seem to be the ones that stick out in my mind the most.

reasons why i sort of wish i had succeeded and aren't too thrilled with still being here:
- i'm not really sure. it seems to be something i can't really articulate. it's defintely a feeling that still exists somewhere inside of me. some days it's not present at all; some days it's there lurking around in the background; and some days it is very present and i can't seem to get away from it.

Posted by Butterflyteam on October 24, 2006 06:56 PM

Posted by: The Real Me at October 24, 2006 09:05 PM

Posted by: Pastachio at December 11, 2006 09:36 AM

Posted by: ruuyzl at May 5, 2008 12:32 AM

Posted by: pkbvhaxyz at May 5, 2008 09:08 AM

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