Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team
November 12, 2006
stuck in a memory....
i haven't been stuck in a memory like this in a long time. it started yesterday. the date was triggering for us - 11/11. we saw donna and samantha talked about what would happen to us on this date. i haven't been able to leave it behind. i've been stuck in this memory since yesterday and it's been really, really hard. all i want is to be with donna. i just need to be safe. i haven't been like this in a long time. i forgot how hard it is - to feel like i can't function, to feel like i need to be with donna just to feel safe, to not be able to access any adult part of me to help rationalize that i am safe and don't need donna. i hate this i hate this i hate this. all i hear in my head is........i want my mom i want my mom i can't breathe my throat is all closed up please help me please. and all i see in my head is........that room.........and all of them........and samantha's body being passed around.
i can't get away from it. i can't get away and i just want donna.
Posted by Butterflyteam on November 12, 2006 03:16 PM
I understand the feelings of wanting to be with a safe person who understands. I also know what it's like to be stuck in a memory. I hope you can get to the other side of this safely in as quick a a time as possible.
Posted by: The Real Me at November 12, 2006 08:19 PM
Butterfly Team-
Whoa. I just red all your entries tonight, just by happening across this website, and I'm so glad I did. You are a true inspiration- not just for those with DID, but for everyone who has a disorder and just wants it to end somehow. I'm working threw my own issues, social phobia, which really makes me miserable a lot of the time. It just amazes and heartens me how you get threw it with not-so-positive thought running threw your mind all the time. I’m off shaking like a leaf about just seeing others and trying to make friends with people who haven’t said “boo,” to me when you’re facing such greater odds. Don’t give up, because you’re doing so well and you really motivate me, as sappy as that’s going to sound.
May you heal so you may live and love
-Avalon
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