July 30, 2007
therapy and group tonight......
i'm really tired right now but i just want to write down a few things so i don't forget them. if i can't write too much about them now, i'll try to come back to it tomorrow.
i haven't written in about a week. this past week has been hard because i've felt so hopeless and miserable. i've been restricting because i feel hopeless about losing weight and i have felt like it's my only option. i need to work on this. tonight was a good start because i did manage to eat some dinner. i've also been isolating a lot and haven't felt like doing anything. i've felt very alone because my sister and jackie have both been away and donna was unavailable for awhile and i was just feeling very alone and i guess in touch with some abandonment stuff.
i saw donna tonight. it started off horrible because i seem to be shutting down between sessions as a way to sort of protect myself from not feeling. so for the whole beginning of the session i didn't know what to say. i WANTED to talk, but i just couldn't, unless donna asked me a specific question. it reminded me of being little and being with my parents and WANTING to open my mouth and speak........tell....but just couldn't physically make the words come out of my mouth. anyway, i don't know what changed in the middle of the session, whatever we started to talk about somehow made me feel and i became connected again and it got easier. then i felt really good about the group afterwards because it was good to be with people who understand. something we talked about in the group that i related to a lot was about feeling fake........not feeling like a real person. i want to come back and write more about that when i'm not so tired. i think that's a big thing for me.
so.....tonight i'm feeling a little better than i have in the last week. i'm relieved. i think i'm going to try and see donna later this week to avoid this whole shutting down thing.
i'm tired so i'm going to sleep now. just wanted to write those few things before i forgot.
Posted by Butterflyteam on July 30, 2007 10:25 PM
Does Donna lead the group, or is that a different thing altogether?
Posted by: The Real Me at July 31, 2007 7:23 PM
Yes, Donna leads the group.
Posted by: butterflyteam at July 31, 2007 8:08 PM