Pilgrim's Journey > March 2011 Archives
March 6, 2011
The past month has been sort of tough. We haven't been posting much anywhere. It used to be that when things were hard, we'd reach out to people and post things on message boards or write things here on Healthdiaries, in an effort to find people who could relate, and try to feel less alone. But with the things we're having a tough time with right now, reaching out has felt sort of pointless. I don't mean that in a sarcastic or mean way or anything... just in sorta a checked-in-with-reality kind of way. Things in therapy are really, really hard. The memories that we're dealing with are really, really, beyond hard. They are things that probably there are other people that have been through, but we've yet to find evidence of that. They're things that are hard to bring up in therapy, and when we do, we feel like crawling under a rock or hiding back inside for a week or two. And on the off chance that we do mention what we're going through, no one knows what to say. So we don't bring it up. Its easier to hide and just say everything is fine. At this point, even Missy is having night mares and flashbacks-- and she has always been the tough one.Also, there's stuff going on with our family--that makes a ton of extra stress on us, and we don't handle that very well.
The good thing is, our therapist is great and has been extremely supportive. And the kids have been learning some good things. We've had some changes going on in our life the past week or two which have been challenging and are taking some getting used to, but I am pretty confident that things will work out.
We had a dream about Sharon the other night... again. She ignored us...again. I wish the memory of her, and everything she did that hurt so much, would just go away. I wish we could talk to her one last time. If we could just have some sense of closure, or SOMEthing, you know? We have been trying to pray for her, to see if that helps...so far, that's been a challenge in itself. She never did respond to the email that we sent her several months ago asking if she would send back the things of ours that she still has. Naturally. Its so incredible how something that can get messed up so quickly just out of nowhere. I wish we could understand how she could do something like that. I wish we could understand how she could just hurt us like that, especially knowing what she was doing.
I wish we could just forget her. It hurts too much to remember her at all.
So for now, we are keeping on keeping on-- there are lots of blessings every day-- baby kisses and spring trees blooming and tulips and the way one of our dogs sleeps next to us every night, and rocking the baby to sleep and watching the sunrises and sunsets-- its those things that keep us going.
March 7, 2011
Therapy and D.I.D.
Just sitting here thinking about therapy. For some of the inside kids, therapy is something they look forward to all the time. For others, its something they dread. Some see it as a chance to finally spill the secrets they've held in for so long. Others see it as a threat to their safety-- their secrets they feel have kept them safe in their own world. I heard through the grapevine that our T made a comment the other day about why Jadie has made so much progress in the past year-- because every time she goes to see our T, she talks. She tells, in her own words and sounds, what happened to her. Of course, Jadie knows about 5 words. But she is certainly able to make known what she needs and wants. So Jadie has come a long, long way... even though she talks about the most painful stuff. She doesn't seem to be afraid to face it. Then there's Jodie, who hasn't changed a bit since 1989 and is still locked in the same holding pattern she's always been in. She holds a million painful secrets inside her but even when given the opportunity to talk, she still can't get them out. Too many things hold her back. So she doesn't make any progress, year after year. Its so strange, the differences. Everyone else inside is somewhere between Jadie and Jodie.
There are a lot of blocks in the process and it seems like it varies for each of us. What are your roadblocks in your therapy?
Here is a link to an article on blocks in therapy if you are interested in reading more.
March 11, 2011
My Favorite D.I.D. Resources
If you need resources for research, help, and hope for handling dissociative identity disorder (D.I.D.), here is a short list of some of my many favorites, including my own support board:
Hope you will find these helpful.
March 18, 2011
No Shame in a DID Diagnosis
I (Caroline) was on blog talk radio the other night talking about the fact that there is (or shouldn't be) any shame if you've been diagnosed with DID. You haven't done something wrong-- there isn't anything wrong with you--it doesn't make you bad. If you have DID, it means that your mind, your brilliant mind, came up with a creative coping technique to help you deal with unbearable circumstances. That's all. There's no shame in that. If you have DID, there can be and IS healing and hope for you. There truly is. You're not alone, and you don't have to suffer. You can make healthy, good choices. You have hope. You can find help. You can work through the confusion, sadness, and fears. There's no reason that a diagnosis of DID has to hold you back, or bring you shame, or make you have to hide. You can still be the person you were made to be. You can still have a good, positive, and happy life.
March 25, 2011
My support forum for people with DD's/ DID
If you would like to join A Mind's Journey DID Support (click for link)-- here is some updated information for you:
I am having trouble with an error on the registrations. When you click "register" it gives you an error message about "sorry, you're not allowed" . Don't know what's up with that. If you would like to register with AMJ, and get the error message upon clicking register, then please do the following instead:
please email Pilgrim at:
with ALL of the following information:
your desired username
your desired password
the email you will use
as well as answer the following questions:
1. In 3-5 sentences, explain why you want to be part of AMJ (do you have
a diagnosis? A possible diagnosis? Are you in therapy? Do you know or
suspect that you dissociate? Are you a friend or supporter of someone
who is already a member of AMJ-- is so, who?)
2.Are you/ have you been a member of any other forums for
3.Have you previously been a member of AMJ?
AMJ is a forum for people with dissociative disorders, their loved
ones, and support people.